Tag Archive: Homeland


Sunday, September 29th

The Amazing Race, season premiere at 8pm on CBS

Once Upon A Time, season premiere at 8pm on ABC

The Simpsons, season premiere at 8pm on FOX

Bob’s Burgers, season premiere at 8:30pm on FOX

Family Guy, season premiere at 9pm on FOX

Revenge, season premiere at 9pm on ABC

The Good Wife, season premiere at 9pm on CBS

Homeland, season premiere at 9pm on Showtime

American Dad, season premiere at 9:30pm on FOX

Masters of Sex, series premiere at 10pm on Showtime

Betrayal, series premiere at 10pm on ABC

The Mentalist, season premiere at 10pm on CBS

Eastbound & Down, season premiere at 10pm on HBO

Hello Ladies, series premiere at 10:30pm on HBO

Monday, September 30th

We Are Men, series premiere at 8:30pm on CBS

We Are Men is a single-camera comedy about four single guys living in a short-term apartment complex who unexpectedly find camaraderie over their many missteps in love. Carter, the youngest and most recent addition to the group, moved in after being ditched at the altar mid-ceremony, and is now eager to re-enter the dating scene and get on with his life with some guidance from his “band of brothers”: Frank Russo, a successful middle-aged clothing manufacturer and four-time divorcée who still fancies himself a ladies man; Gil Bartis, a small business owner who was caught having the world’s worst affair; and Stuart Weber, a speedo-wearing OB/GYN who’s hiding his assets until his second divorce is settled. Abby is Frank’s charming and attractive daughter, who stands as the one positive remnant from his failed relationships. Armed with a hot tub, pool-side barbeque and plenty of questionable advice, these losers in the marriage department take Carter under their wing to impart their own brand of wisdom about the opposite sex.

RuPaul’s Drag Race: The Lost Season Ru-Vealed, season premiere at 9pm on Logo

– Fans of RuPaul’s Drag Race: rejoice! There’s no need to wait until February for more Ru, because The Lost Season is here at last! Ru’s very first cast of drag competitors had no idea what they were getting into, and neither did we! This season full of firsts just may be the most unpredictable one ever. The nine episodes that started a Ruvolution are stuffed to their fishy gills with legendary, herstory-making moments, on the way to one coveted title: America’s next drag superstar. Meet ferocious queens like Nina Flowers, regal BeBe Zahara Benet, bubbly Ongina and many more as they turn it out on the runway and lip-sync for their lives! If you missed it the first time around, here’s your chance to see where it all began as Ru declares who will “Shantay” and stay or “Sashay away” for the very first time! Seen it already? Then gag over the brand-new extras, like video commentary, intros from Ru and the gals, and exclusive online behind-the-scenes footage! Sure, season one’s workroom appears to be held together with duct tape and Ru’s close-ups are shot through a mummy’s worth of gauze. But it’s all part of the magic! Drool over the hunky Pit Crew, cackle at the cornucopia of catch phrases, and count the ‘Cama-rooon’s!’ as RuPaul’s Drag Race: The Lost Season redefines Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent.

Wednesday, October 2nd

Super Fun Night, series premiere at 9:30pm on ABC

– Written, co-executive producer and starring Rebel Wilson (Pitch Perfect, Bridesmaids), this new comedy series follows Junior attorney Kimmie Boubier (Wilson) and her two best friends Helen-Alice (Liza Lapira) and Marika (Lauren Ash) have had a standing date every Friday night for the last 13 years. They even have a motto for what they call “Friday Night Fun Night”: “Always together! Always Inside!” However, Kimmie’s recent promotion throws a monkey wrench into the tradition, and she meets a dashingly handsome British attorney, Richard Royce (Kevin Bishop).

Top Chef, season premiere at 10pm on Bravo

– Emmy and James Beard Award-winning series Top Chef is back and heads to New Orleans. This season kicks-off with a new pre-premiere digital video series, Padma’s Picks. Padma’s Picks gives one of New Orleans’ most talented chefs the opportunity to cook their way on to the actual show. Host and Judge Padma Lakshmi visits some of The Big Easy’s most celebrated establishments to find 10 of the best and brightest chefs from New Orleans. These chefs will then battle head-to-head to make it to the finale of Padma’s Picks with the ultimate winner earning a coveted spot on this season’s cast. Returning to the judges table in NOLA for Top Chef Season 11 are lead judge Tom Colicchio, Gail Simmons, Hugh Acheson, and New Orlean’s own Emeril Lagasse, alongside host Padma Lakshmi. This season will up the ante against the backdrop of the gastronomically diverse city of New Orleans — and the chefs will be tasked with serving up food for top entertainers, culinary stars and celebrity guest judges including: Jon Favreau, Lea Michelle, Anthony Mackie, Questlove, Leah Chase, Paul Prudhomme, Jacques Pepin, David Chang, John Besh, and Eddie Huang as well as local legends Kermit Ruffins and Dr. John.

Ironside, series premiere at 10pm on NBC

– In the gritty world of the NYPD, no one’s tougher than Detective Robert Ironside. He’s a fearless cop who won’t stop until the guilty are brought to justice. He and his trusted, handpicked team of specialists will do whatever it takes to solve New York’s most difficult and notorious crimes – even if it means breaking the rules. Tough, sexy and acerbic, Ironside’s never been afraid to call it like he sees it. As a detective, his instincts are second to none, and those around him have to stay on their toes if they want to keep up… because when his spine was shattered by a bullet two years ago, Ironside swore he’d never let a damn wheelchair slow him down. Justice. Nothing gets in his way. Blair Underwood stars in a bold new drama about a different kind of cop.

Thursday, October 3rd

The Vampire Diaries, season premiere at 8pm on The CW

– In the tumultuous fourth season of The Vampire Diaries, the world of Mystic Falls was turned upside down when the beautiful and compassionate Elena Gilbert (Nina Dobrev) came face-to-face with her worst nightmare – life as a vampire. While Elena struggled to control her new powers and the overwhelming thirst for blood, the astonishing news that a cure for vampirism may actually exist reached Damon (Ian Somerhalder) and Stefan (Paul Wesley) Salvatore, the two vampire brothers who love her. Their search for the cure leads the brothers, along with Elena’s brother Jeremy (Steven R. McQueen) and her best friends Bonnie (Kat Graham) and Caroline (Candice Accola), to a horrifying confrontation with the ancient and all-powerful immortal, Silas, who has been entombed with the cure for more than 2,000 years. But Elena isn’t the only vampire who longs to return to life as a human, and the question of who will take the cure is resolved in the heart-stopping season finale, along with moments of unexpected joy, unspeakable sorrow, and a confession of true love. The series heads into its fifth season with some characters headed off to college, a newly cured vampire trying to survive as a human, and a shocking Salvatore secret.

The Millers, series premiere at 8:30pm on CBS

The Millers stars Will Arnett as Nathan Miller, a recently divorced local roving news reporter looking forward to living the singles life until his parents’ marital problems unexpectedly derail his plans. After Nathan finally breaks the news of his divorce to his parents, Carol and Tom, his father is inspired to follow suit and stuns the family when he leaves his wife of 43 years. Already in shock, Nathan is even more aghast when his meddlesome mom decides to move in with him. Meanwhile, his absent-minded dad imposes upon Nathan’s sister Debbie, her husband Adam and their daughter. Nathan’s best friend and news cameraman Ray was excited to be Nathan’s wingman in the dating scene, but Carol manages to even cramp his style. Now, as Nathan and his sister settle in with their truly impossible parents, they both wonder just how long the aggravating adjustment period is going to last.

Scandal, season premiere at 10pm on ABC

– Everyone has a secret… and Olivia Pope (Kerry Washington) has dedicated her life to protecting and defending the public images of the nation’s elite and keeping those secrets under wraps. Revered and feared at the same time, Olivia, a former communications director to the President of the United States, left the White House to open her own prominent crisis management firm. Her clients aren’t the only ones with secrets, though; surprisingly, she may need to exercise all her damage control skills on her own behalf. When we last left Olivia Pope and Associates, Olivia herself became the client when news spilled that Olivia is the President’s mistress and we discovered the man who’s been plotting against her is her dear old dad Rowan (Joe Morton). Furthermore, Fitz retreated to his wife Mellie after Olivia spurned his offer to become the First Lady; ace spy Jake (Scott Foley) was tossed into a nasty subterranean purgatory for killing a B613 agent to save Olivia; chief of staff Cyrus (Jeff Perry) was carted to the hospital because of a bad ticker; and mini-ninja Quinn’s (Katie Lowes) newfound thirst for torture freaked the heck out of her sensei, Huck (Guillermo Diaz).

Welcome to the Family, series premiere at 8:30pm on NBC

– Dan Yoder (Mike O’Malley, Glee, My Name Is Earl) and wife, Caroline (Mary McCormack, In Plain Sight, The West Wing), think they finally have it made. Their daughter, Molly (Ella Rae Peck, Deception, Gossip Girl) – not the most diligent of students – has managed to graduate from high school and has been accepted to college. Her proud parents are looking forward to an empty nest and are breathing a heavy sigh of relief. Across town, Molly’s secret boyfriend, Junior Hernandez (Joey Haro, Glee, Awkward), is graduating from his high school with top honors and has plans to go to Stanford. Parents Miguel (Ricardo Chavira, Desperate Housewives) and Lisette (Justina Machado, Six Feet Under, ER) are bursting with pride. Everything seems like it is falling into place for them, but unbeknownst to both families, Molly and Junior are about to become parents themselves. Once the teens break the big news, these two very different families are thrown together, which goes anything but smoothly… and the news that Molly and Junior are engaged to be married doesn’t exactly make things better. Dan and Miguel have the most difficult time adjusting to their new situation (and each other), while Caroline and Lisette take a softer approach to getting to know one another. When each of the parents realizes the kids are serious about making a life together, the adults exhale and begin to come to terms with this new blended family. Clearly, it will take understanding, humor, love and patience to make it all work.

Sean Saves The World, series premiere at 9pm on NBC

– Sean Hayes (Will & Grace, Hot in Cleveland) returns to NBC in a new comedy from the creator of Better Off Ted about work and family… the ultimate balancing act! Sean’s a divorced dad who’s trying to juggle it all. From his overbearing boss and offbeat employees at work – to his pushy mom and weekends with his teenage daughter at home – handling it all is no easy task. So when Ellie, his 14-year-old bundle of joy, moves in full-time, it’s a whole new challenge. Never one to do anything halfway, Sean’s intent on being the best dad ever – so he loads up on parenting how-to books and plans Pinterest-worthy family dinners. But it seems his company’s new owner has decided Sean and his team should work longer hours, throwing a kink in his perfectly constructed homemaking plans. Ellie, a normal girl who wants to hang with her friends and eat on the run, sees this development as a plus. She loves her dad, but he’s clearly going overboard. From keeping his boss happy, his employees motivated and enduring his mother’s tactless “advice” to raising a smart, grounded and healthy kid, it’s going to be a growing experience, to say the least. But if anyone can swing it, it’s Sean.

The Originals, series premiere at 9pm on The CW

– Family is power. The Original Vampire family swore it to each other a thousand years ago. They pledged to remain together, always and forever. Now, centuries have passed, and the bonds of family are broken. Time, tragedy and hunger for power have torn the Original Family apart. Klaus Mikaelson, the original vampire-werewolf hybrid, has returned to New Orleans, the city his family helped build, the city from which he and his siblings – Elijah and Rebekah – were exiled a century ago by their relentless hunter father. Curious as to why Klaus would return to the one place he swore he would never set foot again, Elijah follows his brother and learns that the beautiful and rebellious werewolf Hayley – Klaus’ onetime flame – has also come to the French Quarter searching for clues to her family history. Hayley has fallen into the hands of a powerful witch named Sophie Deveraux. When Sophie reveals to the brothers the almost unbelievable news that Hayley is carrying Klaus’ unborn child, Elijah realizes that the Original family has been given a second chance at humanity and the redemption they desperately crave. But Klaus is more intrigued by his recent unexpected reunion with his former protégé, Marcel, a charismatic but diabolical vampire who now has total control over the human and supernatural inhabitants of New Orleans. Tensions between the town’s supernatural factions – vampires, witches, werewolves and humans – are nearing a breaking point as Marcel commands his devoted followers and rules with absolute power. As Klaus vows to reclaim what was once his – the power, the city and his family – he realizes that Elijah is right and that his unborn child could be the key to the Originals’ return to power.

Friday, October 4th

Cassadee Pope: Frame by Frame, series premiere at 10pm on CMT

– Follow the season three winner of The Voice as Cassadee Pope embarks on her career as a country artist. Behind-the-scenes footage shows Pope recording her first solo music video, performing at the CMT Music Awards and releasing her first single. Pope gained attention with her pop-rock background initially on Team Blake during The Voice but quickly rediscovered her roots and topped the iTunes charts with three country performances. Shortly after her fan-voted victory, she signed a record deal with Republic Nashville and began working on her debut album, Frame by Frame, with renowned music producers Dann Huff, Nathan Chapman, Max Martin and Shellback. Her unique vocals and powerful performances earned the 24-year-old Florida native a coveted opening slot on Rascal Flatts’ Live & Loud tour that kicked off in May with The Band Perry. Cameras rolled as Pope prepared to embark on the tour with two of country’s hottest trios — and the journey of a lifetime. The docu-series reveals an intimate look into what it’s like to be an aspiring artist in the country music industry. For Pope, it’s a barrage of endless work days, cross-country travel and unexpected twists of fate.

Sunday, September 29th

The Amazing Race, season premiere at 8pm on CBS

The Amazing Race is a multi-Emmy Award-winning reality series hosted by Emmy Award- nominated host Phil Keoghan, which pits 11 teams, each comprised of two members, against each other on a trek around the world for approximately 25 days. At every destination, each team must compete in a series of challenges, some mental and some physical, and only when the tasks are completed will they learn of their next location. Teams who are the farthest behind will gradually be eliminated as the contest progresses, with the first team to arrive at the final destination winning $1 million. Season 23’s teams will paraglide over Chilean sand dunes, take an icy plunge in Norway and race cars in Abu Dhabi.

Once Upon A Time, season premiere at 8pm on ABC

– Once upon a time there was a fairy-tale show that everybody watched, but then it got super-complicated and its Sunday-night spell began to fade. In season 3, Once will be more focused with the core cast on a mission in a new world. It’s fairy-tale “Avengers” on Captain Hook’s boat going to Neverland to rescue a kid from Peter Pan (who in Once’s world has a dark streak). And the Evil Queen (Lana Parrilla) gets a love interest, and a mermaid Ariel (JoAanna Garcia) shows up. Fingers crossed for a talking crab named Sebastian.

The Simpsons, season premiere at 8pm on FOX

– Season 25 opens with a different kind of Homer. He returns from a nuclear workers’ convention acting so weird that Lisa calls the FBI. In other episodes, Homer delivers a baby in an elevator and Sideshow Bob pops up as a food scientist. Also, Comic Book Guy finds love with a Japanese woman.

Bob’s Burgers, season premiere at 8:30pm on FOX

– The only thing the Belcher clan loves more than working at the restaurant is not working at the restaurant. In the season 4 premiere the family goes camping, but it ends poorly for them. H. Jon Benjamin who voices Bob says “diarrhea is involved.”

Family Guy, season premiere at 9pm on FOX

– The Griffin family’s adventures begin this season when Peter finds a clue for a treasure…on a kids’ menu place mat. Also on tap for season 12: Quagmire counsels Meg when she’s being bullied at school, Cleveland returns, and Peter has a twin growing out of his neck. “The family ends up liking him better than Peter,” explains exec producer Steve Callaghan, “so there’s a rivalry between Peter and his vestigial twin.”

Revenge, season premiere at 9pm on ABC

– In the first 60 seconds of the season 3 premiere, Emily Thorne (Emily VanCamp) is shot at her wedding and falls into the ocean. But per Revenge tradition, we’ll have to wait for the pieces of the puzzle to come together later this season. This season, the stories will focus less on Initiative-related hoo-ha and more on the main characters. Of particular interest is what’s to come between Emily and Jack (Nick Wechsler), who now knows she is his real beloved Amanda.

The Good Wife, season premiere at 9pm on CBS

– In the season 4 finale, after Peter (Chris Noth) won the election, Alicia (Julianna Marguiles) phoned someone to meet at her apartment. When the door opened, it wasn’t Will (Josh Charles) but Cary (Matt Czuchry), who had asked her to leave Lockhart/Gardner to star a firm with him. Her answer? “I’m in.” In season 5, Alicia and Cary are still plotting their exit. Meanwhile, Diane (Christina Baranski) pursues a judgeship, leading to a recurring conflict at the firm. Marguiles says viewers should expect fireworks.

Homeland, season premiere at 9pm on Showtime

– The winner of 6 Emmy Awards including Outstanding Drama Series, Homeland is an edge-of-your-seat sensation. Marine Sergeant Nicholas Brody (Emmy winner Damian Lewis) is both a decorated hero and a serious threat. CIA officer Carrie Mathison (Emmy winner Claire Danes) is tops in her field despite being bipolar. The delicate dance these two complex characters perform, built on lies, suspicion, and desire, is at the heart of this gripping, emotional thriller in which nothing short of the fate of our nation is at stake. In season 2, Carrie continued her hunt for Abu Nazir while maintaining a complicated personal/professional relationship with Brody. Meanwhile, Brody was nailed as a terrorist by Carrie and forced to become a double agent. The second-sea finale saw the CIA’s offices bombed by terrorists, with Brody blamed for the act and on the run to Canada—with an assist from Carrie. Season 3 picks up two months later with much still up in the air. Numerous agencies are running a massive manhunt after Brody. At the same time, the CIA finds itself under attack for its negligence in the days and weeks leading up to the bombing.

American Dad, season premiere at 9:30pm on FOX

– The 10th-season premiere features Steve and Snot trying to lose their virginity…via cloning. It backfires when the girls come out of the cloning machine as infants, so Steve and Snot have to spend the summer raising these girls. And by the time they’re ready for prom, Steve and Snot have developed paternal feelings so there goes their plan.

Masters of Sex, series premiere at 10pm on Showtime

– A little historical and a whole lot steamy, this new period drama about the early days of the sexual revolution has all the ingredients of the perfect cable drama. Masters of Sex stars Michael Sheen (“Frost/Nixon”) and Lizzy Caplan (Party Down) as real-life pioneers of the science of human sexuality, gynecologist William Masters and his research assistant Virginia Johnson. Their research touched off the sexual revolution and took them from a midwestern teaching hospital to the cover of Time magazine and multiple appearances on Johnny Carson’s couch. He is a brilliant scientist out of touch with his own feelings, and she is a single working mother ahead of her time. The series chronicles their unusual lives, romance, and unlikely pop culture trajectory.

Betrayal, series premiere at 10pm on ABC

– Two lovers’ worlds will collide, culminating in a powerful and compelling story of sex, love, loyalty, marriage and treachery in this provocative, sensual and gripping new drama. Based on a Dutch series, Betrayal starts off with a meet-cute between professional photographer Sarah Henley (Hannah Ware), and high-powered attorney Jack McAllister (Stuart Townsend), who have an instant and undeniable attraction, but they’re both married. Sara’s husband, Drew Stafford (Chris Johnson), is a successful prosecutor with political aspirations, and the couple have a seven-year-old, Oliver. Unbeknownst to Sara, Jack is in-house counsel to a powerful but somewhat shady entrepreneur, Thatcher Karsten (James Cromwell), and is married to Thatcher’s daughter, Elaine (Wendy Moniz). Elaine is secure in her relationship with Jack and the couple has 16-year-old twins, Valerie (Elizabeth McLaughlin) and Victor (Braeden Lemasters). However, Sara and Jack both realize something is missing in their marriages, and fight against the realization that they’ve met their soul mates in one another. As Sara and Jack struggle with their feelings and their guilt about their families, Thatcher’s brother-in-law, Lou, is murdered, and all evidence points to Thatcher’s mentally challenged son, T. J. (Henry Thomas). Sara discovers she’s in the middle of a nightmare when she learns that Drew will be the prosecuting attorney in this high-profile murder case, which can secure his political future, and that Jack will be the lawyer for the defense. The lovers find themselves in an impossible situation – on opposite sides of a murder investigation.

The Mentalist, season premiere at 10pm on CBS

– After seeing pictures of seven possible baddies in the season 5 finale, fans just to know one thing: Who is Red John? A lot of the stories we’ve been following will be coming to their climaxes, not their conclusions. Nonetheless, CBS announced that we will learn who killed Patrick Jane’s (Simon Baker) family by year’s end.

Eastbound & Down, season premiere at 10pm on HBO

Eastbound & Down appeared to end definitively last year with a finale that saw Kenny Powers (Danny McBride) leave baseball behind to be with his family. After a surprise renewal, this fourth and final season finds a Kenny who’s living in the suburbs, is married, and has a pretty normal life…and he’s pretty miserable. Therefore, he once again embarks on a quest for fame and fortune—one that involves new cast member Ken Marino (Childrens Hospital, Burning Love) as a successful ex-athlete.

Hello Ladies, series premiere at 10:30pm on HBO

The Office co-creator Stephen Merchant creates, writes, executive produces and stars in Hello Ladies, a new comedy series based on material from his stand-up special of the same name. In his first starring series role, Merchant portrays Stuart, a web designer who recently relocated to LA from England in hopes of finding excitement, romance, and maybe even a soul mate. Working out of his LA home, Stuart has an easy rapport with an attractive roommate named Jessica (Christine Woods), though it is clear she’s not romantically interested in him. Half as charming as he thinks he is – and twice as desperate – Stuart is obsessed with infiltrating the glamorous world of beautiful people, and doggedly hits the LA social scene in the company of pals Wade (Nate Torrence), who’s in the throes of a separation from his wife, and Kives (Kevin Weisman), a charismatic paraplegic who fares far better with the ladies than Stuart or Wade.

Once Upon A Time, season premiere at 8pm on ABC

– To ensure that no one in fairytale land—especially Snow White—had any more “happily ever afters,” Evil Queen Regina cast a curse which trapped the fairy tale characters, frozen in time, and brought them into our modern world. Although still alive, they had no knowledge of their former selves and were sleepwalking through life—ageless—for 28 years, until a savior arrived in the form of Emma Swan. Unbeknownst to Emma, she was the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, who had whisked her out of Fairy Tale Land and into our world as an infant to save her from The Curse. When Emma’s 10-year-old son, Henry—whom she had given up for adoption years earlier—appeared on her doorstep with a book of fairy tales and a wild story about how Emma was the progeny of fairy tale characters trapped in a town called Storybrooke, she thought he was crazy. But curiosity got the better of her, and when she brought Henry back to the town—where Regina, ever the control freak, had made herself mayor and was also Henry’s adoptive mother—Emma soon discovered that Storybrooke was more than it seemed. Over time she came to believe the stories were true, began to see cracks in the curse, and was finally able to break it. Reality and myth were merged as the fairy tale characters began awakening, once The Curse was lifted, and remembered who they were in the season one finale. But to their dismay they were not transported back to fairy tale land. And to make matters worse, Rumplestiltskin—aka Mr. Gold—in an effort to gain the upper hand in his power struggle with Regina, introduced magic into the town. In fairy tales magic has its place, but in our world it can have unfathomable consequences. Now the fairy tale characters must contend with magic in their quest to find a way home, as new fairy tale characters are revealed, old acquaintances are revisited, and some we had come to believe could be trusted will turn against their own kind.

The Amazing Race, season premiere at 8pm on CBS

– The nine-time Emmy Award-winner for best reality-competition series hosted by eight-time Emmy Award-winner Phil Keoghan is a known as television’s most compelling and exciting race around the world. Entering its 21st season, the show pits 11 teams, each comprised of two members, against each other on a trek around the world for approximately 25 days. At every destination, each team must compete in a series of challenges, some mental and some physical, and only when the tasks are completed will they learn of their next location. Teams who are the farthest behind will gradually be eliminated as the contest progresses, with the first team to arrive at the final destination winning $1 million. This season’s group—featuring Chippendale’s dancers, a double amputee who’s also a snowboarding champ, and monster-truck drivers—will travel to nine countries including Indonesia, China, and France.

Call the Midwife, series premiere at 8pm on PBS

Call the Midwife is a moving and intimate insight into the colorful world of midwifery and family life in 1950’s East London. We are introduced to the community through the eyes of young nurse Jenny Lee as she arrives at Nonnatus House to live and work as a midwife alongside an Order of Nuns. As Jenny comes to terms with her new life, we meet some phenomenal people who prove that their warmth, resilience and determination are to be admired beyond measure. At the heart of this world are the Sisters of St. Raymond Nonnatus who have been active in the East End as Anglican nursing nuns since the beginning of the 20th century. The Sisters and the midwives of Nonnatus House carry out many nursing duties across the community. However, with between 80 and 100 babies being born each month in Poplar alone, their primary work is to help bring safe childbirth to women in the area and to look after their countless newborns.

The Simpsons, season premiere at 8pm on FOX

– Now the longest-running scripted show in television history, The Simpsons immediately struck a chord with viewers across the country more than 20 years ago as it poked fun at itself and everything in its wake. With its subversive humor and delightful wit, the series – now entering its 24th season – had made an inedible imprint on American pop culture, and the family members have become television icons. In the season 24 premiere, America’s favorite Midwestern family travels to New York City to track down Bart’s long-lost love (guest voice Zooey Deschanel). Other upcoming adventures this season include Grampa (Don Castellaneta) escaping from his retirement home; Homer finding out his bowling buddy (guest voice Steve Carrell) is an accountant for the mob; and Bart discovering the cool new neighbors’ son (guest voice Patton Oswalt) isn’t as cool as he appears to be.

Bob’s Burgers, season premiere at 8:30pm on FOX

– The animated comedy Bob’s Burgers returns for a well-done third season. The series follows the ups and downs of Bob (H. Jon Benjamin), who runs Bob’s Burgers with the help of his wife and their three kids. Bob has big ideas about burgers, but his family falls short on service and sophistication. Despite the greasy counters, lousy location and dearth of customers, Bob and his family are determined to make every “Grand Re-Re-Re-opening” a success. This season, Bob’s eccentric landlord Mr. Fischoeder (guest voice Kevin Kline) purchases a mechanical shark that threatens the town’s safety; the kids unwittingly get jobs working for a pair of married pot farmers; and Louise has an identity crisis when a bully steals her bunny ears.

Family Guy, season premiere at 9pm on FOX

– Entering its tenth season, Sunday-night staple Family Guy continues to entertain fans with its outrageous humor, cutting-edge animation and epic episodes. Since its debut, the show has reached cult status among fans, and its breakout star, a talking baby, has become one of the greatest TV villains of all time. The show follows the adventures of an endearingly ignorant dad, Peter Griffin (Seth MacFarlane), and his hilariously odd family of middle-class New Englanders in Quahog, RI. Lois (Alex Borstein) is Peter’s wife, a stay at home mom with no patience for her family’s antics. Then there are their kids: 17-year-old Meg (Mila Kunis) is a social outcast and the Griffin family punching bag; 13-year-old Chris (Seth Green) is a socially awkward teen who doesn’t have a clue about the opposite sex; and 1-year-old Stewie (MacFarlane) is a diabolically clever baby whose burgeoning sexuality is very much a work in progress. Rounding out the Griffin household is Brian (MacFarlane), the family dog, a member of Mensa with a penchant for dry martinis and dumb blondes.

The Good Wife, season premiere at 9pm on CBS

The Good Wife is an Emmy-nominated drama starring Emmy Award winner Julianna Margulies as a wife and mother who boldly assumes full responsibility for her family and re-enters the workforce after her husband’s very public sex and political corruption scandal lands him in jail. Pushing aside the betrayal and crushing public humiliation caused by her husband, Peter, Alicia Florrick started over by pursuing her original career as a defense attorney. Now a senior associate at a prestigious Chicago law firm, she joined her longtime friend, former law school classmate and firm partner Will Gardner, with whom she had a steamy romance last season. Alicia found an ally and a friend in Kalinda, the firm’s tough and mysterious in-house investigator, until Alicia discovered Kalinda had slept with Peter during his first term as State’s Attorney and Kalinda has been trying to make it up to Alicia ever since. Gaining confidence every day, Alicia transforms herself from embarrassed politician’s scorned wife to resilient career woman, especially for the sake of providing a stable home for her teenage children Zach and Grace. Season 4 will find the firm in serious financial trouble (cue recurring guest star Nathan Lane as its appointed trustee in the premiere), Alicia struggling to decide how much she and the kids can be used in Peter’s (Chris Noth) gubernatorial campaign, and Kalinda (Archie Panjaba) pushing the envelope of sex on network TV when her dangerous estranged husband Nick (Marc Warren), reenters the picture.

Dexter, season premiere at 9pm on Showtime

– He’s smart, he’s good looking, and he’s got a great sense of humor. He’s Dexter Morgan (Michael C. Hall), everyone’s favorite serial killer. As a Miami forensics expert, he spends his days solving crimes, and nights committing them. But Dexter lives by a strict code of honor that is both his saving grace and lifelong burden. Torn between his deadly compulsion and his desire for true happiness, Dexter is a man in profound conflict with the world and himself. Last season Dexter stalked the Doomsday Killer, a vicious, deluded, religious fanatic who displayed his victims in grisly, Biblical-themed tableaux. Debra catching Dex mid-murder was only the beginning. If you were frustrated by the Showtime drama’s wonky sixth season, the intense fall premiere just might win you back as Lt. Debra Morgan (Jennifer Carpenter) starts to piece together her brother Dexter’s secrets. Season 7 also introduces a mysterious woman (Chuck’s Yvonne Strahovski) who helps Miami Metro with a case, and a Ukranian crime lord (Rome’s Ray Stevenson) who’s heading toward a “big showdown” with Dexter. But the real fireworks will come from Deb and Dex’s seemingly impossible new relationship.

Revenge, season premiere at 9pm on ABC

– ABC’s hit primetime soap drama is back on a new night with something to prove. Wealth, beauty and status define the people in the Hamptons, but one woman is willing to destroy everyone for the sake of revenge. Last season, Emily Thorne (Emily Van Camp) was the new rich girl in town. But the truth is that Emily wasn’t exactly new to the neighborhood. In fact, this was once her old neighborhood, until something bad happened that ruined her family and their reputation. Emily, who is in fact Amanda Clarke, is the daughter of convicted terrorist David Clarke. The real Amanda (not to be confused with fauxmanda aka the real Emily Thorne) has returned to her childhood home in the Hamptons to seek vengeance on behalf of her now-deceased father against the people that framed him: the rich and powerful Grayson family and all their accomplices. In the (literally) explosive season one finale, Charlotte Grayson overdosed on prescription pills after learning her mother, Grayson matriarch Victoria (the brilliant Madeleine Stowe), presumably perished in a plane crash orchestrated by her estranged husband Conrad on her way to testify against him. Revenge picks up eight weeks later, at the start of the Hamptons’ summer season. Like last fall’s, the premiere will flash-forward to a dramatic and terrifying event that the first half of season 2 will work toward. Creator Mike Kelley promises we’ll get answers to burning questions regarding the fates of in-peril characters Charlotte, Victoria, and Lydia (who was also onboard the plane).

American Dad, season premiere at 9:30pm on FOX

– This animated comedy from Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane follows staunch GOP supporter and CIA agent Stan Smith (Seth MacFarlane) and the misadventures of his unconventional family in Langley Falls, VA. The series returns for an eighth season this fall. After seven seasons, this Sunday-night staple is still showing us new sides to its characters. In the premiere, we discover Hayley’s (Rachel MacFarlane) musical talents when she becomes the house singer in the bar Roger opens in the attic. Other highlights this season will include cameos by Rupert Grint, Community’s Alison Brie, Castle’s Nathan Fillion, and Mad Men’s Jon Hamm. Fans can also look forward to the show’s most warped Christmas episode yet: Danny Glover will guest as Krampus, the mythical creature who, according to Germanic legend, kidnaps naughty children. But this one sings! (Charles Bradley provides the singing voice.)

666 Park Avenue, season premiere at 10pm on ABC

– What would you do to have everything you desire? Step inside 666 Park Avenue, New York’s most seductive address. We all have some burning needs, desires and ambitions. For the residents of The Drake, the premier apartment building on Manhattan’s Upper East Side, these will all be met – for a price – courtesy of the building’s mysterious owner, Gavin Doran (Terry O’Quinn). But be careful what you wish for, because the price you have to pay is your soul. When Jane Van Veen (Rachael Taylor, Grey’s Anatomy) and Henry Martin (Dave Annable), an idealistic young couple from the Midwest, arrive in New York City, the glamorous center of industry and media, they are offered the opportunity to manage the historic Drake. Jane, a small town girl with big ambitions, always knew she wanted to be an architect. Henry, a member of the Mayor’s staff, is grounded, intelligent and tenacious. They are lured by the intoxicating lifestyle of New York’s wealthy elite. Gavin, who has many skeletons in his own closet, is at the height of his world and commands the dark power of The Drake. Olivia (Vanessa Williams), his beautiful but enigmatic, supportive wife, wears her elegance, wealth and position in society as armor… but cracks will slowly be revealed. Jane and Henry not only fall prey to the machinations of Gavin and Olivia, but unwittingly live in the dark embrace of the building’s supernatural forces which endanger the lives of its residents. Sexy, enticing and captivating, home to an epic struggle of good versus evil, The Drake maintains a dark hold over all of its tenants in this new, chilling drama, tempting them through their ambitions and desires.

Homeland, season premiere at 10pm on Showtime

– The Emmy award winning series for best drama, best drama actor and best drama actress enters its second season with much well-deserved buzz and anticipation. M.I.A. in Afghanistan for eight years and subjected to unthinkable torture at the hands of al-Qaeda, Marine Sgt. Nicholas Brody (Emmy winner Damian Lewis) finally came home, was declared a national hero, and is even being prepped for a political career. CIA officer Carrie Mathison (Emmy winner Claire Danes) believes he has been turned and become part of a plot to be carried out on American soil. But the volatile Carrie has some demons of her own as she tries to prove her theories are real and not a figment of her wild imagination, which is aggravated by her bipolar disorder. At the end of last season, Brody’s failed terrorist attack (thanks to a malfunctioning explosive vest) confirmed Carrie was right but without any evidence to expose Brody as a terrorist, his political career is on the rise and Carrie may be out of a job. In the season two premiere, an asset from Carrie’s former life comes in from the cold, and Brody discovers that Abu Nazir may not be content with his nonviolent approach to affecting change in American foreign policy.

The Mentalist, season premiere at 10pm on CBS

– The crime drama stars Golden Globe Award nominee Simon Baker as Patrick Jane, an independent consultant with the California Bureau of Investigation (CBI), who has a remarkable track record for solving serious crimes by using his razor sharp skills of observation. Within the Bureau, Jane is notorious for his blatant lack of protocol and his semi-celebrity past as a psychic medium, whose paranormal abilities he now admits he feigned. Jane’s role in cracking a series of tough, high-profile cases is greatly valued by his fellow agents; however, no-nonsense Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon alternates between reluctantly acknowledging Jane’s usefulness and blasting him for his theatrics, narcissism and dangerous lack of boundaries. Lisbon’s team includes agents Kimball Cho, Wayne Rigsby and Grace Van Pelt, who all think Jane’s a loose cannon but admire his charm and knack for clearing cases. With the crime drama switching to a new night for its fifth season, its basically a new start for the show. There will be major developments in Patrick Jane’s (Simon Baker) quest to nab Red John, the serial killer who murdered his family (although in the season’s second episode, Jane will meet a girl who claims to be his dead daughter). Jane and his CBI cohorts are forced to collaborate with a team of FBI agents, led by Rome’s Polly Walker. Red John’s lackey Lorelei Martins (Emmanuelle Chriqui)—introduced in last season’s finale—will stick around for several episodes as a foil, possible informant, and risky love interest for Jane, much to the chagrin of Agent Lisbon (Robin Tunney).

America’s Funniest Home Videos, season premiere at 7pm on ABC

– The hit series that has become a cultural phenomenon also happens to be ABC’s longest running primetime entertainment show. The weekly television series features home videos of kids, adults and animals during their most spontaneous and hilarious moments. Each week, host Tom Bergeron (Dancing With The Stars) shines the spotlight on new videos of cute cats and dogs, adorable babies, spectacular wipeouts, clever practical jokes, skateboarding debacles, water pranks, and wedding calamities. The failures and fiascos, collisions and collapses and just plain bad luck make AFV fans return each week to cringe and laugh out loud. Never have so many groins been injured to the delight of so many!

VH1 Tough Love: Miami, season premiere at 8pm on VH1

– Matchmaker Steve Ward is back for a third season and this time, he’s bringing a little Miami flare to the romantically challenged ladies of Tough Love. Steve believes dating is different in every city around the country, and this time, he’s taking his Boot Camp to one of the most challenging dating cities in the country–Miami: famous for its spicy South Beach scene and flawless men and women. This will be the Ultimate Test for our unlucky in love bootcampers! But don’t worry, Steve’s hasn’t lost the brutally honest approach to dating that made him and his mother JoAnn Ward one of the most successful matchmaking teams in the country. This season, Steve will work with a group of 8 single, attractive women living together in a house for 10 weeks to change their dating ways. These women are desperate and single and can’t figure out why. Steve guarantees that if they follow his advice, by the end of bootcamp, they will be ready for love.

Dexter, season premiere at 9pm on Showtime

– The explosively popular Dexter is back with a vengeance for a sixth season of startling suspense and unexpected twists. Michael Hall stars in his Emmy-award winning role as Dexter Morgan a Miami Metro Police Department blood spatter analyst who leads a double life. When he’s not helping the homicide division solve murders, he satisfies his dark desires by hunting and killing bad guys who slip through the justice system, all the while following a strict code established for him by his father. It’s been a year since last season’s shocking and heartbreaking conclusion, and mild mannered criminologist-cum-grisly serial killer Dexter Morgan has come to terms with who he is. But his existence is shattered when he crosses paths with an enemy unlike any he’s faced before. A delusional religious zealot with unflinching convictions, this new adversary soon draws Dexter into a dangerous game that could well end in disaster.

Homeland, series premiere at 10pm on Showtime

– From the executive producers of 24, this highly anticipated drama-suspense series examines the questions who’s the hero and who’s the threat? When MIA Marine Sgt. Nicholas Brody (Damian Lewis) returns home to a hero’s welcome after eight years in enemy confinement, brilliant but volatile CIA agent Carrie Mathison (Claire Danes) isn’t buying his story. Haunted by her failure to anticipate the 9/11 attacks, she is determined to ward off further terrorism against U.S. targets, almost at any cost. She is already skating on thin ice within the CIA after a disastrous attempt to get information from a condemned Iraqi source sparks a diplomatic crisis. But Carrie was able to get a small piece of unsettling secret intelligence from her source before he died, and she is convinced it has alarming significance to the return of MIA Sgt. Brody. She believes that Brody has been turned and is now working for Al Qaeda. What follows is a dangerous game of cat and mouse with nothing short of American national security at stake. The crucial question is, is Carrie’s conviction based on fact or is it the product of a delusional obsession?

Hung, season premiere at 10pm on HBO

– The HBO dark comedy series about a male hooker is entering its third season. Former high school sports legend turned middle-aged high school basketball coach Ray Drecker (Thomas Jane) was divorced and struggling to provide for his kids when his run-down house caught fire. Desperate for cash, he took a second job exploiting his best asset…his package. This dark comedy explores the personal setbacks of a man who resorts to male prostitution in the midst of a troubled economy. The second season will focus on the complex dynamic between Ray and his two female pimps, Tanya and Lenore. Lenore, Ray’s assertive life coach who believes Ray should focus on more high-paying clients, begins taking over the business and tries to edge Tanya out of the company she created, Happiness Consultants (visit the website to view a video of the services they can offer to make your life happier!).

How to Make It in America, season premiere at 10:30pm on HBO

– The sophomore dramedy follows two enterprising twentysomethings as they hustle their way through New York City, determined to achieve their American Dream. Trying to make a name for themselves in the city’s competitive fashion scene, Ben Epstein and his friend and business partner Cam Calderon use their street knowledge and connections to make their way up. With the help of their well-connected friend Domingo and Cam’s cousin Rene, who has ambitions of his own (a new high-energy drink called Rasta-Monsta) the burgeoning entrepreneurs set out to make it big.

Monday, October 3rd

Pop Up Video, season premiere at noon on VH1

– After a 10-year hiatus, VH1 has decided to bring back one of the channel’s most talked about and iconic series. Pop Up Video has stood the test of time, ranking as one of the most iconic series in recent television history. Any recent indications that the music video is dying will be countered by the nostalgic audiences that will flock to watch the unforgettable and fun series. The network has ordered 60 episodes of the familiar format featuring current videos, some new graphics and the beloved pop-up “bubbles” of priceless details and insights. Pop Up Video will also integrate interactive elements including user polling and user-generated pop up content that will be reflected in the show.

House, season premiere at 9pm on FOX

– This hit series is an innovative take on the medical drama in which the villain is a medical malady and the hero is an irreverent, controversial doctor who trusts no one, least of all his patients. Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie), devoid of bedside manner and dealing with his own constant physical pain, uses a cane that punctuates his acerbic, brutally honest demeanor. His behavior often borders on antisocial, but House is a brilliant diagnostician whose unconventional thinking and flawless instincts afford him a great deal of respect. An infectious disease specialist, he thrives on the challenge of solving medical puzzles in order to save lives. In the season six finale, House, driven by the loss of a patient he treated at an accident site and confronted with the unexpected news that Cuddy (Lisa Edelstein) was now engaged, spiraled into despair and considered treating his mental and emotional anguish with Vicodin, potentially prompting the cycle of his dependency and addiction all over again. But in a surprising turn, Cuddy revealed that she called off her engagement and admitted to House she loves him, despite wishing she didn’t. Also, Thirteen (Olivia Wilde) submitted her leave of absence from the hospital, prompting questions about the status of her health. As Season Seven begins, House and Cuddy attempt to make a real relationship work and face the question as to whether their new relationship will affect their ability to diagnose patients.

The A-List: Dallas, series premiere at 10pm on Logo

– You thought the housewives were desperate, until you met the houseboys of The A-List: New York. Now the franchise expands to where everything is bigger, including the drama. The A-List: Dallas is dishing up a Texas-sized serving of larger-than-life personalities and their high-living lifestyles. Tag along on a high octane ride fueled by big oil and bigger appetites as these gents and their gal pals kick up their boots for some BIG livin’–Dallas Style. It’s Housewives With Balls, Y’all!

Tuesday, October 4th

Gene Simmons Family Jewels, season premiere at 9pm on A&E

– A reality series about a rather unconventional celebrity family…Dad is Gene Simmons –the legendary, tongue-wagging demon of KISS. Mom is Shannon Tweed – former Playmate of the Year, actress and model. And their kids Nick and Sophie are dealing with the trials and tribulations of being young adults, even though Mom and Dad are truly like no one else’s parents. The couple has been together for 28 years and are still unmarried, but hopefully not for long. The hit series picks up where last season’s cliffhanger left off as Shannon answers Gene’s long awaited marriage proposal in this special one-hour premiere. (Spoiler alert, she clearly said yes because they got married on October 1st)

Mad Fashion, series premiere at 10pm on Bravo

– Former Project Runway alum and fan favorite Chris March has something up his sleeve in his new reality series Mad Fashion. From start to finish, viewers will see March and his eccentric crew as they create one-of-a-kind designs for his high-profile clientele. No creation or idea is too crazy for this team as they design Jennifer Coolidge’s Mardi-Gras float ensemble and model Chrissy Teigen’s gown for the MET Costume Gala. Tensions rise as March pushes the boundaries of fashion and challenges his clients’ comfort zones. In the end, will the design fulfill the client’s fashion fantasy or will it turn out to be more than they can handle?

Onion News Network, season premiere at 10pm on IFC

– The parody news series that was originated on the web by the satirical newspaper The Onion and was picked up by IFC returns for its second season of absurd news coverage. The Onion News Network is the most popular 24-hour cable news network in America, delivering hard-hitting, up-to-the-minute reporting to more than 100 million households nationwide. The network boasts more attack satellites than any other news organization and no other channel has more secret surveillance cameras in homes, businesses, and high-level government offices. The Onion News Network is truly the most powerful name in news. The Onion News Network’s vast array of programming includes Today Now! for morning news to ease you softly into your day, Washington This Afternoon and the Cressbeckler Stance for astute political commentary, Star Fix for obsessive coverage of celebrity and entertainment events, Cross Examination with Shelby Cross for tracking the latest legal cases, and In The Know for no-holds-barred debate. The network has spawned more than 100 subsidiary news channels, five separate Onion Business Channels, the Onion Prison Network, and OnionAisle, a news channel played on department store electronics display models. Globally, Onion-branded channels reach 811 countries in 152 languages. The Onion News Network is one component of the larger Onion media empire which includes the Onion Broadcasting Channel (OBC) for general programming, Onion Pictures for major film releases, and the Onion News Bar & Grill with more than 2,000 restaurant locations nationwide.

Wednesday, October 5th

American Horror Story, series premiere at 10pm on FX

– The new horror series (that’s practically a new television genre in itself) from the creators of Glee revolves around the Harmons, a family of three who moved from Boston to Los Angeles as a means to reconcile past anguish but unknowing that the decrepit mansion they move into is haunted. The all-star cast features Dylan McDermott as Ben Harmon, a psychiatrist; Connie Britton (Friday Night Lights) as Vivien Harmon, Ben’s wife; and Taissa Farmiga as Violet, the Harmon’s teenage daughter.

South Park, season premiere at 10pm on Comedy Central

Thursday, October 6th

The League, season premiere at 10:30pm on FX

– To be a fan of The League, you don’t need to know much about fantasy football, or sports at all. You just need to have friends that you hate. FX’s ensemble comedy follows a group of old friends in a fantasy football league who care deeply about one another – so deeply that they use every opportunity to make each other’s lives miserable. The League features an ensemble cast of rising actors/comedians. Mark Duplass (Humpday) plays “Pete,” the perennial league champ who is struggling to become an adult. Stephen Rannazzisi (Paul Blart: Mall Cop) is “Kevin,” a happily married father and commissioner of the league. Nick Kroll (Get Him to the Greek) plays “Ruxin,” who believes he is the smartest of the group but can’t figure out how exactly the other guys are screwing him over. “Andre,” played by Paul Scheer (Human Giant), has continued to be the punching bag of the group since their high school days – a fact that hasn’t changed despite the fact he is now a successful plastic surgeon. Jon Lajoie is “Taco,” Kevin’s little brother, a part-time musician and full-time stoner with little interest in fantasy other than hanging with his buddies (whom he struggles to remember). Katie Aselton (The Freebie) plays “Jenny,” Kevin’s wife and his better half – especially when it comes to Fantasy Football.

Friday, October 7th

Say Yes to the Dress, season premiere at 9pm on TLC

– The hit original of the franchise Say Yes to the Dress reveals the inner workings of the world’s premier bridal salon, Kleinfeld Bridal. Part fashion show, part bridal story, part family therapy, the series uncovers the hurdles the staff faces to make each bride completely satisfied.

Top Secret Recipe, series premiere at 9pm on CMT

– Each week, our food hacker host, Todd Wilbur, investigates an iconic American recipe and attempts to re-create it better than the original, proving it with a blind taste test. In each one-hour episode, Wilbur is faced with a new challenge — re-create the secret recipe of an iconic American brand in three days, whether it’s Colonel Sanders’ highly regarded KFC chicken blend or those famous Cinnabon rolls. Armed only with his keen sense of taste, investigative skills and a mobile food lab, Wilbur heads to that brand’s corporate headquarters to meet with the CEO and begin his process of using every means possible to crack the recipe. Over the next three days, Wilbur employs a number of creative gumshoe efforts to zero in on the recipe. He rolls up his sleeves and goes “CSI” by testing samples in his undercover mobile food lab, disguising himself for retail store visits, spying on preparation techniques, pumping employees for information on crucial ingredients and talking his way into high security areas. Once the clock stops, brand executives and fans sit down to dine on both creations in a blind taste test. Can Wilbur fool the judges and successfully pull off a counterfeit dish? Or will the classic recipe reign supreme? After decades of silence, the techniques and ingredients of some of our favorite meals will finally be revealed.

Sanctuary, season premiere at 10pm on Syfy

– The sci-fi series Sanctuary blazes a trail across the TV landscape with never-before-seen production technology. Starring Amanda Tapping, best known to fans as the brilliant Col. Samantha Carter on Stargate SG-1, Sanctuary is the first series to shoot extensively on green screen, using virtual sets and extraordinary visual effects. Sanctuary follows the adventures of the beautiful, enigmatic and always surprising Dr. Helen Magnus (Tapping), a brilliant scientist who holds the secrets of a clandestine population — a group of strange and sometimes terrifying beings that hide among humans. Along with her new recruit, forensic psychiatrist Dr. Will Zimmerman (Robin Dunne), her quirky tech wiz Henry (Ryan Robbins) and her fearless daughter Ashley (Emilie Ullerup), Magnus seeks to protect this threatened phenomena as well as unlock the mysteries behind their existence.

Saturday, October 8th

Rules of Engagement, season premiere at 8pm on CBS

– The smart comedy series entering its sixth season has finally overcome being a midseason replacement for a failing comedy on the Monday night comedy block, but its regular place on the fall schedule is now a dreadful Saturday night slot, ouch. This comedy is about the different phases of male/female relationships, as seen through the eyes of an engaged couple, Adam and Jennifer; a long-time married pair, Jeff and Audrey; a single guy on the prowl, Russell (David Spade); and his office assistant, Timmy. As they find out, the often confusing stages of a relationship can seem like being on a roller coaster: people can describe them to you, but to really know what it’s like, you have to take a ride for yourself.

The Adam Carolla Project, series premiere at 10pm on DIY

– On DIY Network’s The Adam Carolla Project, comedian and one-time construction worker Adam Carolla (Loveline, The Man Show, Crank Yankers) has an ill-fated plan to buy his childhood home and attempt to turn it into a million-dollar house in just 13 weeks. Armed with his self-described “band of unemployable idiots,” Adam can only shake his head as the project turns into a comedic parody of home improvement with budget overruns, blown schedules and celebrity drop-ins.