Tag Archive: Dexter


Sunday, June 30th

BET Awards ’13, live awards show from 8 to 11:30pm on BET

– Silver Linings Playbook’s Chris Tucker hosts tonight’s awards show, which is airing live from L.A.’s Nokia Theatre. Drake leads the nominees with 12 potential trophies, which could make for an awkward backstage moment with nemesis Chris Brown, who’s scheduled to perform. Even more awkward? The fact that “Sparkle” is nominated as one of the year’s best movies.

Dexter, season premiere at 9pm on Showtime

– He’s smart, he’s good looking, and he’s got a great sense of humor. He’s Dexter Morgan (Golden Globe winner Michael C. Hall), everyone’s favorite serial killer. As a Miami forensics expert, he spends his days solving crimes, and nights committing them. But Dexter lives by a strict code of honor that is both his saving grace and lifelong burden. Torn between his deadly compulsion and his desire for true happiness, Dexter is a man in profound conflict with the world and himself. Last season, Dexter came clean to his sister Debra (Jennifer Carpenter), who learned the hard way how difficult it is to keep Dexter’s secret. Dexter also found true love with fellow serial killer Hannah McKay, who he reluctantly sent to jail after she poisoned and nearly killed Debra. Also, LaGuerta got closer to pinning the Bay Harbor Butcher killings on Dexter so Dexter lured her to a crime scene and drugged her, ready to kill her when Debra walked in and begged him to stop. LaGuerta came to and told Debra to kill him, but she shot and killed LaGuerta instead to save her brother. The eighth and final season picks up six months after the Season 7 finale with Dexter in an uncomfortable place. He’s lost contact with his sister (they haven’t spoken in a month), the death of LaGuerta is still very much a thing, and then there’s Evelyn Vogel (Charlotte Rampling, “Spy Game”), the shrink who suddenly volunteers to help out Miami Metro as a means of getting close to him.

Ray Donovan, series premiere at 10pm on Showtime

– Set in the sprawling mecca of the rich and famous, Ray Donovan does the dirty work for LA’s top power players. The new one-hour series stars Emmy and Golden Globe Award nominee Liev Schreiber in his first lead television role as the go-to guy who makes the problems of the city’s celebrities, superstar athletes, and business moguls disappear. This powerful drama unfolds when his father, played by Oscar winner Jon Voight, is unexpectedly released from prison, setting off a chain of events that shakes the Donovan family to its core.

Monday, July 1st

Below Deck, series premiere at 10pm on Bravo

– This new reality series follows a group of crewmembers living and working aboard “Honor,” a 164’ mega-yacht. The upstairs and downstairs worlds collide when this young and single crew, known as “yachties,” live, love, and work together on-board the luxurious, privately-owned yacht while tending to the ever-changing needs of their wealthy, demanding charter guests. While each crew member brings a different level of experience, they all share a love for this lifestyle that enables them to travel to some of the most beautiful and exotic locales in the world. Each episode features a different set of charter guests moving onto the boat from millionaires, to entertainers to hard-partying groups of well-heeled friends.

Wednesday, July 3rd

Donut Showdown, series premiere at 10pm on Cooking Channel

– Donut Showdown takes the donut to epicurean heights. Donuts are the new cupcakes –– the latest trendy treat. Hosted by Danny Boome, Donut Showdown brings an expert panel of judges to the diner kitchen to decide which fried treats will make the cut and which ones will cause the judges’ eyes to ‘glaze’ over.” Each episode sees three of the best donut makers from across North America test their creativity in our diner kitchen to win the $10,000 cash prize.

Thursday, July 4th

Macy’s 4th of July Fireworks Spectacular, live special from 8 to 10pm on NBC

– NBC celebrates the nation’s 237th birthday with a live broadcast of the Macy’s 4th of July Fireworks Spectacular, hosted by America’s Got Talent’s Nick Cannon and featuring all-star performances by multi-platinum singer-songwriter Mariah Carey, Grammy award-winning Tim McGraw and others. The 37th annual fireworks spectacular is the nation’s largest patriotic pyrotechnic display with over 40,000 fireworks igniting the sky over the Hudson River. This year’s show will also feature a first-ever, one-of-a-kind collaboration with global superstar Usher. For the first time in the history of the show, a superstar artist is collaborating with Macy’s creative and pyrotechnic teams. Lending his artistic inspiration and talent, eight-time Grammy award-winning artist Usher is curating the overall design of the show, entitled “It Begins with a Spark.” From the rousing musical selections to the spectacular fireworks in the sky, Usher is putting his visionary stamp on the nation’s biggest Independence Day party.

Friday, July 5th

Charlie Rose Weekend, series premiere at 8:30pm on PBS

– This new half-hour series hosted by acclaimed journalist Charlie Rose will feature the iconic television anchor’s focus on the events and conversations shaping the week and the week ahead. Drawing on conversations from his nightly PBS program and new insightful perspectives from around the world, it will capture the defining moments in politics, science, business, culture, media and sports in a fresh, engaged, and smart presentation.

Monster Fish, season premiere at 10pm on Nat Geo Wild

– In his quest to save the world’s big fish, aquatic ecologist Zeb Hogan has wrangled what’s currently the world’s biggest known freshwater species, the Mekong Giant Catfish. But is it really the biggest? We’ll join Zeb as he travels the globe, seeking out the leading contenders in a quest to better understand them as he fights to protect them. It’s a heart-pounding adventure as Zeb heads into some remote areas and wild waters, braving piranha, crocodiles, and a host of other hazards. Along the way, he’ll explore the local haunts and find out how these massive creatures figure into the local culture-the lore surrounding them, their role in the ecosystem, awesome physical features, strange behavior, and the surprising cycles of life that transform a thumb-sized larvae into a 400-pound beast.

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Once Upon A Time, season premiere at 8pm on ABC

– To ensure that no one in fairytale land—especially Snow White—had any more “happily ever afters,” Evil Queen Regina cast a curse which trapped the fairy tale characters, frozen in time, and brought them into our modern world. Although still alive, they had no knowledge of their former selves and were sleepwalking through life—ageless—for 28 years, until a savior arrived in the form of Emma Swan. Unbeknownst to Emma, she was the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming, who had whisked her out of Fairy Tale Land and into our world as an infant to save her from The Curse. When Emma’s 10-year-old son, Henry—whom she had given up for adoption years earlier—appeared on her doorstep with a book of fairy tales and a wild story about how Emma was the progeny of fairy tale characters trapped in a town called Storybrooke, she thought he was crazy. But curiosity got the better of her, and when she brought Henry back to the town—where Regina, ever the control freak, had made herself mayor and was also Henry’s adoptive mother—Emma soon discovered that Storybrooke was more than it seemed. Over time she came to believe the stories were true, began to see cracks in the curse, and was finally able to break it. Reality and myth were merged as the fairy tale characters began awakening, once The Curse was lifted, and remembered who they were in the season one finale. But to their dismay they were not transported back to fairy tale land. And to make matters worse, Rumplestiltskin—aka Mr. Gold—in an effort to gain the upper hand in his power struggle with Regina, introduced magic into the town. In fairy tales magic has its place, but in our world it can have unfathomable consequences. Now the fairy tale characters must contend with magic in their quest to find a way home, as new fairy tale characters are revealed, old acquaintances are revisited, and some we had come to believe could be trusted will turn against their own kind.

The Amazing Race, season premiere at 8pm on CBS

– The nine-time Emmy Award-winner for best reality-competition series hosted by eight-time Emmy Award-winner Phil Keoghan is a known as television’s most compelling and exciting race around the world. Entering its 21st season, the show pits 11 teams, each comprised of two members, against each other on a trek around the world for approximately 25 days. At every destination, each team must compete in a series of challenges, some mental and some physical, and only when the tasks are completed will they learn of their next location. Teams who are the farthest behind will gradually be eliminated as the contest progresses, with the first team to arrive at the final destination winning $1 million. This season’s group—featuring Chippendale’s dancers, a double amputee who’s also a snowboarding champ, and monster-truck drivers—will travel to nine countries including Indonesia, China, and France.

Call the Midwife, series premiere at 8pm on PBS

Call the Midwife is a moving and intimate insight into the colorful world of midwifery and family life in 1950’s East London. We are introduced to the community through the eyes of young nurse Jenny Lee as she arrives at Nonnatus House to live and work as a midwife alongside an Order of Nuns. As Jenny comes to terms with her new life, we meet some phenomenal people who prove that their warmth, resilience and determination are to be admired beyond measure. At the heart of this world are the Sisters of St. Raymond Nonnatus who have been active in the East End as Anglican nursing nuns since the beginning of the 20th century. The Sisters and the midwives of Nonnatus House carry out many nursing duties across the community. However, with between 80 and 100 babies being born each month in Poplar alone, their primary work is to help bring safe childbirth to women in the area and to look after their countless newborns.

The Simpsons, season premiere at 8pm on FOX

– Now the longest-running scripted show in television history, The Simpsons immediately struck a chord with viewers across the country more than 20 years ago as it poked fun at itself and everything in its wake. With its subversive humor and delightful wit, the series – now entering its 24th season – had made an inedible imprint on American pop culture, and the family members have become television icons. In the season 24 premiere, America’s favorite Midwestern family travels to New York City to track down Bart’s long-lost love (guest voice Zooey Deschanel). Other upcoming adventures this season include Grampa (Don Castellaneta) escaping from his retirement home; Homer finding out his bowling buddy (guest voice Steve Carrell) is an accountant for the mob; and Bart discovering the cool new neighbors’ son (guest voice Patton Oswalt) isn’t as cool as he appears to be.

Bob’s Burgers, season premiere at 8:30pm on FOX

– The animated comedy Bob’s Burgers returns for a well-done third season. The series follows the ups and downs of Bob (H. Jon Benjamin), who runs Bob’s Burgers with the help of his wife and their three kids. Bob has big ideas about burgers, but his family falls short on service and sophistication. Despite the greasy counters, lousy location and dearth of customers, Bob and his family are determined to make every “Grand Re-Re-Re-opening” a success. This season, Bob’s eccentric landlord Mr. Fischoeder (guest voice Kevin Kline) purchases a mechanical shark that threatens the town’s safety; the kids unwittingly get jobs working for a pair of married pot farmers; and Louise has an identity crisis when a bully steals her bunny ears.

Family Guy, season premiere at 9pm on FOX

– Entering its tenth season, Sunday-night staple Family Guy continues to entertain fans with its outrageous humor, cutting-edge animation and epic episodes. Since its debut, the show has reached cult status among fans, and its breakout star, a talking baby, has become one of the greatest TV villains of all time. The show follows the adventures of an endearingly ignorant dad, Peter Griffin (Seth MacFarlane), and his hilariously odd family of middle-class New Englanders in Quahog, RI. Lois (Alex Borstein) is Peter’s wife, a stay at home mom with no patience for her family’s antics. Then there are their kids: 17-year-old Meg (Mila Kunis) is a social outcast and the Griffin family punching bag; 13-year-old Chris (Seth Green) is a socially awkward teen who doesn’t have a clue about the opposite sex; and 1-year-old Stewie (MacFarlane) is a diabolically clever baby whose burgeoning sexuality is very much a work in progress. Rounding out the Griffin household is Brian (MacFarlane), the family dog, a member of Mensa with a penchant for dry martinis and dumb blondes.

The Good Wife, season premiere at 9pm on CBS

The Good Wife is an Emmy-nominated drama starring Emmy Award winner Julianna Margulies as a wife and mother who boldly assumes full responsibility for her family and re-enters the workforce after her husband’s very public sex and political corruption scandal lands him in jail. Pushing aside the betrayal and crushing public humiliation caused by her husband, Peter, Alicia Florrick started over by pursuing her original career as a defense attorney. Now a senior associate at a prestigious Chicago law firm, she joined her longtime friend, former law school classmate and firm partner Will Gardner, with whom she had a steamy romance last season. Alicia found an ally and a friend in Kalinda, the firm’s tough and mysterious in-house investigator, until Alicia discovered Kalinda had slept with Peter during his first term as State’s Attorney and Kalinda has been trying to make it up to Alicia ever since. Gaining confidence every day, Alicia transforms herself from embarrassed politician’s scorned wife to resilient career woman, especially for the sake of providing a stable home for her teenage children Zach and Grace. Season 4 will find the firm in serious financial trouble (cue recurring guest star Nathan Lane as its appointed trustee in the premiere), Alicia struggling to decide how much she and the kids can be used in Peter’s (Chris Noth) gubernatorial campaign, and Kalinda (Archie Panjaba) pushing the envelope of sex on network TV when her dangerous estranged husband Nick (Marc Warren), reenters the picture.

Dexter, season premiere at 9pm on Showtime

– He’s smart, he’s good looking, and he’s got a great sense of humor. He’s Dexter Morgan (Michael C. Hall), everyone’s favorite serial killer. As a Miami forensics expert, he spends his days solving crimes, and nights committing them. But Dexter lives by a strict code of honor that is both his saving grace and lifelong burden. Torn between his deadly compulsion and his desire for true happiness, Dexter is a man in profound conflict with the world and himself. Last season Dexter stalked the Doomsday Killer, a vicious, deluded, religious fanatic who displayed his victims in grisly, Biblical-themed tableaux. Debra catching Dex mid-murder was only the beginning. If you were frustrated by the Showtime drama’s wonky sixth season, the intense fall premiere just might win you back as Lt. Debra Morgan (Jennifer Carpenter) starts to piece together her brother Dexter’s secrets. Season 7 also introduces a mysterious woman (Chuck’s Yvonne Strahovski) who helps Miami Metro with a case, and a Ukranian crime lord (Rome’s Ray Stevenson) who’s heading toward a “big showdown” with Dexter. But the real fireworks will come from Deb and Dex’s seemingly impossible new relationship.

Revenge, season premiere at 9pm on ABC

– ABC’s hit primetime soap drama is back on a new night with something to prove. Wealth, beauty and status define the people in the Hamptons, but one woman is willing to destroy everyone for the sake of revenge. Last season, Emily Thorne (Emily Van Camp) was the new rich girl in town. But the truth is that Emily wasn’t exactly new to the neighborhood. In fact, this was once her old neighborhood, until something bad happened that ruined her family and their reputation. Emily, who is in fact Amanda Clarke, is the daughter of convicted terrorist David Clarke. The real Amanda (not to be confused with fauxmanda aka the real Emily Thorne) has returned to her childhood home in the Hamptons to seek vengeance on behalf of her now-deceased father against the people that framed him: the rich and powerful Grayson family and all their accomplices. In the (literally) explosive season one finale, Charlotte Grayson overdosed on prescription pills after learning her mother, Grayson matriarch Victoria (the brilliant Madeleine Stowe), presumably perished in a plane crash orchestrated by her estranged husband Conrad on her way to testify against him. Revenge picks up eight weeks later, at the start of the Hamptons’ summer season. Like last fall’s, the premiere will flash-forward to a dramatic and terrifying event that the first half of season 2 will work toward. Creator Mike Kelley promises we’ll get answers to burning questions regarding the fates of in-peril characters Charlotte, Victoria, and Lydia (who was also onboard the plane).

American Dad, season premiere at 9:30pm on FOX

– This animated comedy from Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane follows staunch GOP supporter and CIA agent Stan Smith (Seth MacFarlane) and the misadventures of his unconventional family in Langley Falls, VA. The series returns for an eighth season this fall. After seven seasons, this Sunday-night staple is still showing us new sides to its characters. In the premiere, we discover Hayley’s (Rachel MacFarlane) musical talents when she becomes the house singer in the bar Roger opens in the attic. Other highlights this season will include cameos by Rupert Grint, Community’s Alison Brie, Castle’s Nathan Fillion, and Mad Men’s Jon Hamm. Fans can also look forward to the show’s most warped Christmas episode yet: Danny Glover will guest as Krampus, the mythical creature who, according to Germanic legend, kidnaps naughty children. But this one sings! (Charles Bradley provides the singing voice.)

666 Park Avenue, season premiere at 10pm on ABC

– What would you do to have everything you desire? Step inside 666 Park Avenue, New York’s most seductive address. We all have some burning needs, desires and ambitions. For the residents of The Drake, the premier apartment building on Manhattan’s Upper East Side, these will all be met – for a price – courtesy of the building’s mysterious owner, Gavin Doran (Terry O’Quinn). But be careful what you wish for, because the price you have to pay is your soul. When Jane Van Veen (Rachael Taylor, Grey’s Anatomy) and Henry Martin (Dave Annable), an idealistic young couple from the Midwest, arrive in New York City, the glamorous center of industry and media, they are offered the opportunity to manage the historic Drake. Jane, a small town girl with big ambitions, always knew she wanted to be an architect. Henry, a member of the Mayor’s staff, is grounded, intelligent and tenacious. They are lured by the intoxicating lifestyle of New York’s wealthy elite. Gavin, who has many skeletons in his own closet, is at the height of his world and commands the dark power of The Drake. Olivia (Vanessa Williams), his beautiful but enigmatic, supportive wife, wears her elegance, wealth and position in society as armor… but cracks will slowly be revealed. Jane and Henry not only fall prey to the machinations of Gavin and Olivia, but unwittingly live in the dark embrace of the building’s supernatural forces which endanger the lives of its residents. Sexy, enticing and captivating, home to an epic struggle of good versus evil, The Drake maintains a dark hold over all of its tenants in this new, chilling drama, tempting them through their ambitions and desires.

Homeland, season premiere at 10pm on Showtime

– The Emmy award winning series for best drama, best drama actor and best drama actress enters its second season with much well-deserved buzz and anticipation. M.I.A. in Afghanistan for eight years and subjected to unthinkable torture at the hands of al-Qaeda, Marine Sgt. Nicholas Brody (Emmy winner Damian Lewis) finally came home, was declared a national hero, and is even being prepped for a political career. CIA officer Carrie Mathison (Emmy winner Claire Danes) believes he has been turned and become part of a plot to be carried out on American soil. But the volatile Carrie has some demons of her own as she tries to prove her theories are real and not a figment of her wild imagination, which is aggravated by her bipolar disorder. At the end of last season, Brody’s failed terrorist attack (thanks to a malfunctioning explosive vest) confirmed Carrie was right but without any evidence to expose Brody as a terrorist, his political career is on the rise and Carrie may be out of a job. In the season two premiere, an asset from Carrie’s former life comes in from the cold, and Brody discovers that Abu Nazir may not be content with his nonviolent approach to affecting change in American foreign policy.

The Mentalist, season premiere at 10pm on CBS

– The crime drama stars Golden Globe Award nominee Simon Baker as Patrick Jane, an independent consultant with the California Bureau of Investigation (CBI), who has a remarkable track record for solving serious crimes by using his razor sharp skills of observation. Within the Bureau, Jane is notorious for his blatant lack of protocol and his semi-celebrity past as a psychic medium, whose paranormal abilities he now admits he feigned. Jane’s role in cracking a series of tough, high-profile cases is greatly valued by his fellow agents; however, no-nonsense Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon alternates between reluctantly acknowledging Jane’s usefulness and blasting him for his theatrics, narcissism and dangerous lack of boundaries. Lisbon’s team includes agents Kimball Cho, Wayne Rigsby and Grace Van Pelt, who all think Jane’s a loose cannon but admire his charm and knack for clearing cases. With the crime drama switching to a new night for its fifth season, its basically a new start for the show. There will be major developments in Patrick Jane’s (Simon Baker) quest to nab Red John, the serial killer who murdered his family (although in the season’s second episode, Jane will meet a girl who claims to be his dead daughter). Jane and his CBI cohorts are forced to collaborate with a team of FBI agents, led by Rome’s Polly Walker. Red John’s lackey Lorelei Martins (Emmanuelle Chriqui)—introduced in last season’s finale—will stick around for several episodes as a foil, possible informant, and risky love interest for Jane, much to the chagrin of Agent Lisbon (Robin Tunney).

America’s Funniest Home Videos, season premiere at 7pm on ABC

– The hit series that has become a cultural phenomenon also happens to be ABC’s longest running primetime entertainment show. The weekly television series features home videos of kids, adults and animals during their most spontaneous and hilarious moments. Each week, host Tom Bergeron (Dancing With The Stars) shines the spotlight on new videos of cute cats and dogs, adorable babies, spectacular wipeouts, clever practical jokes, skateboarding debacles, water pranks, and wedding calamities. The failures and fiascos, collisions and collapses and just plain bad luck make AFV fans return each week to cringe and laugh out loud. Never have so many groins been injured to the delight of so many!

VH1 Tough Love: Miami, season premiere at 8pm on VH1

– Matchmaker Steve Ward is back for a third season and this time, he’s bringing a little Miami flare to the romantically challenged ladies of Tough Love. Steve believes dating is different in every city around the country, and this time, he’s taking his Boot Camp to one of the most challenging dating cities in the country–Miami: famous for its spicy South Beach scene and flawless men and women. This will be the Ultimate Test for our unlucky in love bootcampers! But don’t worry, Steve’s hasn’t lost the brutally honest approach to dating that made him and his mother JoAnn Ward one of the most successful matchmaking teams in the country. This season, Steve will work with a group of 8 single, attractive women living together in a house for 10 weeks to change their dating ways. These women are desperate and single and can’t figure out why. Steve guarantees that if they follow his advice, by the end of bootcamp, they will be ready for love.

Dexter, season premiere at 9pm on Showtime

– The explosively popular Dexter is back with a vengeance for a sixth season of startling suspense and unexpected twists. Michael Hall stars in his Emmy-award winning role as Dexter Morgan a Miami Metro Police Department blood spatter analyst who leads a double life. When he’s not helping the homicide division solve murders, he satisfies his dark desires by hunting and killing bad guys who slip through the justice system, all the while following a strict code established for him by his father. It’s been a year since last season’s shocking and heartbreaking conclusion, and mild mannered criminologist-cum-grisly serial killer Dexter Morgan has come to terms with who he is. But his existence is shattered when he crosses paths with an enemy unlike any he’s faced before. A delusional religious zealot with unflinching convictions, this new adversary soon draws Dexter into a dangerous game that could well end in disaster.

Homeland, series premiere at 10pm on Showtime

– From the executive producers of 24, this highly anticipated drama-suspense series examines the questions who’s the hero and who’s the threat? When MIA Marine Sgt. Nicholas Brody (Damian Lewis) returns home to a hero’s welcome after eight years in enemy confinement, brilliant but volatile CIA agent Carrie Mathison (Claire Danes) isn’t buying his story. Haunted by her failure to anticipate the 9/11 attacks, she is determined to ward off further terrorism against U.S. targets, almost at any cost. She is already skating on thin ice within the CIA after a disastrous attempt to get information from a condemned Iraqi source sparks a diplomatic crisis. But Carrie was able to get a small piece of unsettling secret intelligence from her source before he died, and she is convinced it has alarming significance to the return of MIA Sgt. Brody. She believes that Brody has been turned and is now working for Al Qaeda. What follows is a dangerous game of cat and mouse with nothing short of American national security at stake. The crucial question is, is Carrie’s conviction based on fact or is it the product of a delusional obsession?

Hung, season premiere at 10pm on HBO

– The HBO dark comedy series about a male hooker is entering its third season. Former high school sports legend turned middle-aged high school basketball coach Ray Drecker (Thomas Jane) was divorced and struggling to provide for his kids when his run-down house caught fire. Desperate for cash, he took a second job exploiting his best asset…his package. This dark comedy explores the personal setbacks of a man who resorts to male prostitution in the midst of a troubled economy. The second season will focus on the complex dynamic between Ray and his two female pimps, Tanya and Lenore. Lenore, Ray’s assertive life coach who believes Ray should focus on more high-paying clients, begins taking over the business and tries to edge Tanya out of the company she created, Happiness Consultants (visit the website to view a video of the services they can offer to make your life happier!).

How to Make It in America, season premiere at 10:30pm on HBO

– The sophomore dramedy follows two enterprising twentysomethings as they hustle their way through New York City, determined to achieve their American Dream. Trying to make a name for themselves in the city’s competitive fashion scene, Ben Epstein and his friend and business partner Cam Calderon use their street knowledge and connections to make their way up. With the help of their well-connected friend Domingo and Cam’s cousin Rene, who has ambitions of his own (a new high-energy drink called Rasta-Monsta) the burgeoning entrepreneurs set out to make it big.

Monday, October 3rd

Pop Up Video, season premiere at noon on VH1

– After a 10-year hiatus, VH1 has decided to bring back one of the channel’s most talked about and iconic series. Pop Up Video has stood the test of time, ranking as one of the most iconic series in recent television history. Any recent indications that the music video is dying will be countered by the nostalgic audiences that will flock to watch the unforgettable and fun series. The network has ordered 60 episodes of the familiar format featuring current videos, some new graphics and the beloved pop-up “bubbles” of priceless details and insights. Pop Up Video will also integrate interactive elements including user polling and user-generated pop up content that will be reflected in the show.

House, season premiere at 9pm on FOX

– This hit series is an innovative take on the medical drama in which the villain is a medical malady and the hero is an irreverent, controversial doctor who trusts no one, least of all his patients. Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie), devoid of bedside manner and dealing with his own constant physical pain, uses a cane that punctuates his acerbic, brutally honest demeanor. His behavior often borders on antisocial, but House is a brilliant diagnostician whose unconventional thinking and flawless instincts afford him a great deal of respect. An infectious disease specialist, he thrives on the challenge of solving medical puzzles in order to save lives. In the season six finale, House, driven by the loss of a patient he treated at an accident site and confronted with the unexpected news that Cuddy (Lisa Edelstein) was now engaged, spiraled into despair and considered treating his mental and emotional anguish with Vicodin, potentially prompting the cycle of his dependency and addiction all over again. But in a surprising turn, Cuddy revealed that she called off her engagement and admitted to House she loves him, despite wishing she didn’t. Also, Thirteen (Olivia Wilde) submitted her leave of absence from the hospital, prompting questions about the status of her health. As Season Seven begins, House and Cuddy attempt to make a real relationship work and face the question as to whether their new relationship will affect their ability to diagnose patients.

The A-List: Dallas, series premiere at 10pm on Logo

– You thought the housewives were desperate, until you met the houseboys of The A-List: New York. Now the franchise expands to where everything is bigger, including the drama. The A-List: Dallas is dishing up a Texas-sized serving of larger-than-life personalities and their high-living lifestyles. Tag along on a high octane ride fueled by big oil and bigger appetites as these gents and their gal pals kick up their boots for some BIG livin’–Dallas Style. It’s Housewives With Balls, Y’all!

Tuesday, October 4th

Gene Simmons Family Jewels, season premiere at 9pm on A&E

– A reality series about a rather unconventional celebrity family…Dad is Gene Simmons –the legendary, tongue-wagging demon of KISS. Mom is Shannon Tweed – former Playmate of the Year, actress and model. And their kids Nick and Sophie are dealing with the trials and tribulations of being young adults, even though Mom and Dad are truly like no one else’s parents. The couple has been together for 28 years and are still unmarried, but hopefully not for long. The hit series picks up where last season’s cliffhanger left off as Shannon answers Gene’s long awaited marriage proposal in this special one-hour premiere. (Spoiler alert, she clearly said yes because they got married on October 1st)

Mad Fashion, series premiere at 10pm on Bravo

– Former Project Runway alum and fan favorite Chris March has something up his sleeve in his new reality series Mad Fashion. From start to finish, viewers will see March and his eccentric crew as they create one-of-a-kind designs for his high-profile clientele. No creation or idea is too crazy for this team as they design Jennifer Coolidge’s Mardi-Gras float ensemble and model Chrissy Teigen’s gown for the MET Costume Gala. Tensions rise as March pushes the boundaries of fashion and challenges his clients’ comfort zones. In the end, will the design fulfill the client’s fashion fantasy or will it turn out to be more than they can handle?

Onion News Network, season premiere at 10pm on IFC

– The parody news series that was originated on the web by the satirical newspaper The Onion and was picked up by IFC returns for its second season of absurd news coverage. The Onion News Network is the most popular 24-hour cable news network in America, delivering hard-hitting, up-to-the-minute reporting to more than 100 million households nationwide. The network boasts more attack satellites than any other news organization and no other channel has more secret surveillance cameras in homes, businesses, and high-level government offices. The Onion News Network is truly the most powerful name in news. The Onion News Network’s vast array of programming includes Today Now! for morning news to ease you softly into your day, Washington This Afternoon and the Cressbeckler Stance for astute political commentary, Star Fix for obsessive coverage of celebrity and entertainment events, Cross Examination with Shelby Cross for tracking the latest legal cases, and In The Know for no-holds-barred debate. The network has spawned more than 100 subsidiary news channels, five separate Onion Business Channels, the Onion Prison Network, and OnionAisle, a news channel played on department store electronics display models. Globally, Onion-branded channels reach 811 countries in 152 languages. The Onion News Network is one component of the larger Onion media empire which includes the Onion Broadcasting Channel (OBC) for general programming, Onion Pictures for major film releases, and the Onion News Bar & Grill with more than 2,000 restaurant locations nationwide.

Wednesday, October 5th

American Horror Story, series premiere at 10pm on FX

– The new horror series (that’s practically a new television genre in itself) from the creators of Glee revolves around the Harmons, a family of three who moved from Boston to Los Angeles as a means to reconcile past anguish but unknowing that the decrepit mansion they move into is haunted. The all-star cast features Dylan McDermott as Ben Harmon, a psychiatrist; Connie Britton (Friday Night Lights) as Vivien Harmon, Ben’s wife; and Taissa Farmiga as Violet, the Harmon’s teenage daughter.

South Park, season premiere at 10pm on Comedy Central

Thursday, October 6th

The League, season premiere at 10:30pm on FX

– To be a fan of The League, you don’t need to know much about fantasy football, or sports at all. You just need to have friends that you hate. FX’s ensemble comedy follows a group of old friends in a fantasy football league who care deeply about one another – so deeply that they use every opportunity to make each other’s lives miserable. The League features an ensemble cast of rising actors/comedians. Mark Duplass (Humpday) plays “Pete,” the perennial league champ who is struggling to become an adult. Stephen Rannazzisi (Paul Blart: Mall Cop) is “Kevin,” a happily married father and commissioner of the league. Nick Kroll (Get Him to the Greek) plays “Ruxin,” who believes he is the smartest of the group but can’t figure out how exactly the other guys are screwing him over. “Andre,” played by Paul Scheer (Human Giant), has continued to be the punching bag of the group since their high school days – a fact that hasn’t changed despite the fact he is now a successful plastic surgeon. Jon Lajoie is “Taco,” Kevin’s little brother, a part-time musician and full-time stoner with little interest in fantasy other than hanging with his buddies (whom he struggles to remember). Katie Aselton (The Freebie) plays “Jenny,” Kevin’s wife and his better half – especially when it comes to Fantasy Football.

Friday, October 7th

Say Yes to the Dress, season premiere at 9pm on TLC

– The hit original of the franchise Say Yes to the Dress reveals the inner workings of the world’s premier bridal salon, Kleinfeld Bridal. Part fashion show, part bridal story, part family therapy, the series uncovers the hurdles the staff faces to make each bride completely satisfied.

Top Secret Recipe, series premiere at 9pm on CMT

– Each week, our food hacker host, Todd Wilbur, investigates an iconic American recipe and attempts to re-create it better than the original, proving it with a blind taste test. In each one-hour episode, Wilbur is faced with a new challenge — re-create the secret recipe of an iconic American brand in three days, whether it’s Colonel Sanders’ highly regarded KFC chicken blend or those famous Cinnabon rolls. Armed only with his keen sense of taste, investigative skills and a mobile food lab, Wilbur heads to that brand’s corporate headquarters to meet with the CEO and begin his process of using every means possible to crack the recipe. Over the next three days, Wilbur employs a number of creative gumshoe efforts to zero in on the recipe. He rolls up his sleeves and goes “CSI” by testing samples in his undercover mobile food lab, disguising himself for retail store visits, spying on preparation techniques, pumping employees for information on crucial ingredients and talking his way into high security areas. Once the clock stops, brand executives and fans sit down to dine on both creations in a blind taste test. Can Wilbur fool the judges and successfully pull off a counterfeit dish? Or will the classic recipe reign supreme? After decades of silence, the techniques and ingredients of some of our favorite meals will finally be revealed.

Sanctuary, season premiere at 10pm on Syfy

– The sci-fi series Sanctuary blazes a trail across the TV landscape with never-before-seen production technology. Starring Amanda Tapping, best known to fans as the brilliant Col. Samantha Carter on Stargate SG-1, Sanctuary is the first series to shoot extensively on green screen, using virtual sets and extraordinary visual effects. Sanctuary follows the adventures of the beautiful, enigmatic and always surprising Dr. Helen Magnus (Tapping), a brilliant scientist who holds the secrets of a clandestine population — a group of strange and sometimes terrifying beings that hide among humans. Along with her new recruit, forensic psychiatrist Dr. Will Zimmerman (Robin Dunne), her quirky tech wiz Henry (Ryan Robbins) and her fearless daughter Ashley (Emilie Ullerup), Magnus seeks to protect this threatened phenomena as well as unlock the mysteries behind their existence.

Saturday, October 8th

Rules of Engagement, season premiere at 8pm on CBS

– The smart comedy series entering its sixth season has finally overcome being a midseason replacement for a failing comedy on the Monday night comedy block, but its regular place on the fall schedule is now a dreadful Saturday night slot, ouch. This comedy is about the different phases of male/female relationships, as seen through the eyes of an engaged couple, Adam and Jennifer; a long-time married pair, Jeff and Audrey; a single guy on the prowl, Russell (David Spade); and his office assistant, Timmy. As they find out, the often confusing stages of a relationship can seem like being on a roller coaster: people can describe them to you, but to really know what it’s like, you have to take a ride for yourself.

The Adam Carolla Project, series premiere at 10pm on DIY

– On DIY Network’s The Adam Carolla Project, comedian and one-time construction worker Adam Carolla (Loveline, The Man Show, Crank Yankers) has an ill-fated plan to buy his childhood home and attempt to turn it into a million-dollar house in just 13 weeks. Armed with his self-described “band of unemployable idiots,” Adam can only shake his head as the project turns into a comedic parody of home improvement with budget overruns, blown schedules and celebrity drop-ins.

Sunday, September 26th

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, 2-hour season premiere at 7pm on ABC

– This feel-good, tearjerker (at least for me, every single episode without fail) of a reality series will be undergoing its own makeover in season 8. No longer will hottie host Ty Pennington arrive at a family’s home to announce that they’ve been selected. Instead, he will surprise the family when they least expect it, like on a family outing to the Yankees game. They will also be expanding their definition of “home” to include schools, group homes, and community organizations. In the 2-hour season premiere, the team is joined by the kid stars of Modern Family to help renovate the building for Boys Hope Girls Hope in Baltimore. Other cool celebrity guests helping out this season include Cedric the Entertainer, Shaq, Raven-Symone, and Kristin Chenoweth, the last of whom will perform a Broadway number during a demolition—I am so there.

The Simpsons, season premiere at 8pm on FOX

– Now the longest-running comedy in television history, the hit animated comedy series immediately struck a chord with viewers across the country as it poked fun of itself and everything in its wake. With its subversive humor and delightful wit, the series has made an indelible imprint on American pop culture, and the family members have become television icons. In the season premiere, Lisa goes to a performing-arts camp that becomes “Elementary School Musical.” Glee’s Lea Michele, Cory Monteith, and Amber Riley guest star as fellow campers singing a version of “Good Vibrations.”

The Amazing Race, season premiere at 8:30pm on CBS

– Season 17’s Brook and Claire are already famous from the hilarious watermelon in the face mishap that went viral. The race around the world premieres with a 90-minute episode. The team that wins the first leg will receive “a real gamechanger” of a surprise, according to host Phil Keoghan. The new teams include a pair of YouTube sensations, home-shopping hosts, and Ivy Leage a cappella singers. They will be trotting the globe from Bangladesh to Ghana to the Arctic Circle, all new destinations for the show.

The Cleveland Show, season premiere at 8:30pm on FOX

– The Family Guy spin-off from creator Seth MacFarlane follows Peter Griffin’s soft- spoken neighbor Cleveland Brown as he and his son Cleveland Jr. relocate to Cleveland’s hometown of Stoolbend, VA to create a new family unit with his high school sweetheart and her two misbehaved children. Coming off a shaky start and mixed reviews, the show has found it’s groove and now features a promising list of guest stars, almost all musicians, for it’s sophomore season. The premiere episode features Kanye West voicing as 19-year-old Kenny West, an aspiring rapper who Cleveland takes under his wing, they write a song and West is signed to a record deal. Other artists appearing this season include T-Pain, will.i.am, and Justin Timberlake. Timberlake will be playing the gay fiancé of Cleveland’s friend/co-worker Henry as well as singing a ballad he co-produced about the last booger 5-year-old Rallo plans to eat. I can’t possibly pass up on that piece of musical genius, can you?

Desperate Housewives, season premiere at 9pm on ABC

– There is something to rejoice in the fact that comedy series Ugly Betty got cancelled and that is that Vanessa Williams makes the perfect addition as Wisteria Lane’s fifth housewife. After Dana Delaney’s Katherine had a mental breakdown, turned gay, and moved out of the cul-de-sac last season, there was a void in Wisteria Lane’s clique of frenemies. Williams plays glamorous socialite Renee Perry (Vanessa Williams) who is married to a Yankee, a player on the team not a Northerner, and also happens to be Lynette’s old college roommate. Perry strolls into the Lane in a limo and chatting on the phone. She’s bound to make waves with her nouveau-riche lifestyle and attitude that I’m sure Gaby will find great issue with, because they are so similar. Also bringing a good dose of drama this season is Mary Alice’s widower, the sketchy Paul who returns with his new wife Beth.

Family Guy, 1-hour season premiere at 9pm on FOX

– After a phenomenal season that continued to push the boundaries (the 150th episode entitled “Brian and Stewie” was a one-hour one-scene episode), the hit adult animated comedy series that satires American culture and society is back for more jabs. The season premiere is a murder mystery in Quahog and exec producer Steve Callaghan says they will kill off a few characters. Oh well, that only opens the door for some new ones to come in and spice things up in the quaint little Rhode Island town. After under attack this season is Santa Claus! The hour-long Christmas episode features Stewie vowing to travel to the North Pole to kill Mr. Claus after the local mall Santa leaves before the homicidal tot gets his turn. The episode also features four musical numbers—score!

Dexter, season premiere at 9pm on Showtime

– Last season ended with a crazy twist that seems impossible to top! In the dramatic season finale, Dexter (Michael C. Hall) finally killed the Trinity Killer (John Lithgow) and was feeling proud until he discovered that before he was offed, the Trinity Killer killed Dexter’s wife and left her in a bathtub next to her infant son, crying in a pool of Mommy’s blood. Gives me the chills just recounting it. This season, Dexter goes from happily married husband to guilt-ridden single dad. How will it affect his ability to maintain an average-guy facade while satisfying his need to kill? As Dexter’s secret life and new responsibilities threaten to overwhelm him, his ability to remain focused — and undetected — are being tested like never before.

Brothers & Sisters, season premiere at 10pm on ABC

– The adult family drama series is like that awkward family reunion, where everyone is airing their dirty secrets at the dinner table. The thing is, with the Walkers, they’re dropping these bombshells at every meal. The Walkers appear to be the perfect all-American family, but it’s up to matriarch Nora Walker (Sally Field) to hold everyone together as they cross paths with divorce, infidelity, addiction, war, politics, prejudice and death. This season, the producers aim to make more self-contained episodes. The cast has also been cut by three—Rob Lowe and Balthazar Getty are out, and after three episodes so is Emily VanCamp.  The action picks up a year after May’s car-crash cliff-hanger, as widow Kitty (Calista Flockhart) mulls a new career and a new man. Nora will land her own radio show called Ask Mom, as well as a man.

Bored to Death, season premiere at 10pm on HBO

– The dark comedy series follows the misadventures of Jonathan Ames (Jason Schwartzmann), a young Brooklyn writer who is feeling lost and down on his luck. Rather than face reality, Jonathan turns instead to this fantasies—moonlighting as a private detective—because he wants to a man of action like his heroes from the classic private detective novels. Meanwhile, Jonathan’s boss, the pot-loving magazine editor George (Ted Danson), is having a career crisis as he contemplates whether the printed word is still relevant in today’s culture. And in order to deal with his troubles, he smokes more pot…should be amusing. Zach Galifianakis (“The Hangover”) plays Jonathan’s best friend Ray, a talented but not-yet-financially-successful cartoonist. He’s Sancho Panza to Jonathan’s Don Quixote.

Undercover Boss, season premiere at 10pm on CBS

– The reality series follows high-level chief executives as they slip anonymously into the rank and file of their companies. The first season of the series, last year’s most watched new program, clearly resonated with Americans. As a result of the show’s popularity, the producers had to concoct new and imaginative wars to convince suspicious workers that they weren’t being filmed for a hit reality show. The show’s success also made it much easier to persuade more companies to participate since they truly believe it’s a valuable work experience that will significantly enhance a boss’s ability to lead successfully.

Sister Wives, series premiere at 10pm on TLC

– Nowadays there is a reality show about almost anything, and if a Mormon family with numerous wives makes for a hit HBO drama series, why can’t it be a reality series? And who better to exploit the unique and rather large families than TLC? Meet husband Kody Brown — along with his three wives: Meri, Janelle and Christine and their combined 13 children — and see how they attempt to navigate life as a “normal” family in a society that shuns their lifestyle. From their unconventional family structure and living arrangements to financial challenges, each half hour episode exposes the inner workings of a polygamist household, revealing the unexpectedly tight-knit and loving relationships between Kody’s wives. The series begins with Kody announcing to his three wives of 16 years that he is bringing a new wife and her three kids into the family. Bringing on a fourth wife could easily disrupt the balance, changing lives forever. The series chronicles the growing pains as Robyn and her kids assimilate into the family and the sister wives work through the insecurities and uncertainties that are inevitable to their chosen way of life. Sister Wives also captures the intense dynamics surrounding a man juggling three wives while attempting to keep it a secret from the outside world.

Eastbound & Down, season premiere at 10:30pm on HBO

– Arrogant, washed-up big league pitcher Kenny Powers (Danny McBride) thought he’d scored a shot at a comeback in the majors, but the offer turned out to be bogus. Now, having left his North Carolina life behind, he’s making a fresh start in a small Mexican town, and bless the locals with his awesomeness. Powers hooks up with a crappy south-of-the-border team, then finds a temporary fix for the hole in his heart left by April by falling for a local hottie named Vida.

Monday, September 27th

Sesame Street, season premiere at 7am on PBS

– Sesame Street’s 41st season is the subject of much controversy lately due to Katy Perry’s exposed cleavage during a musical number with Elmo. Well that skit was cut due to parents complaining it was inappropriate for young children, but other female celebrities guest starring this season include Amy Poehler and Kyra Sedgwick.

The Buried Life, season premiere at 10:30pm on MTV

– The docu-series about four cute boys on a mission to cross items off their bucket list began with a simple question: “What do you want to do before you die?” Out of it grew an inspirational TV show and a grassroots movement that has allowed viewers to live vicariously through four friends — Ben, Jonnie, Duncan and Dave — as they put themselves in the most incredible and unexpected situations while traveling the country trying to complete a list of “100 things they want to do before they die.” For every item they cross off their list, they help a perfect stranger accomplish one of their dreams. Season two of the series promises more elaborate capers and inspirational moments as people from around the world share their own lists and ask the guys for help. Crashing a parade, capturing a fugitive and raising $1,000,000 in a week, are just a few of the list items they will attempt to pull off. The guys will also try to help two sisters make an important motorbike journey across Florida to bury their father’s ashes, build a skate park for a community that has lost four teenagers to tragedy — and help a struggling rock band get signed to a record label.

Tuesday, September 28th

No Ordinary Family, series premiere at 8pm on ABC

– The Powells are about to go from ordinary to extraordinary. After 16 years of marriage, Jim (Michael Chiklis, The Shield Fantastic Four) feels disconnected from his workaholic wife, Stephanie (Julie Benz, Dexter), and two teenage children, Daphne (Kay Panabaker, Summerland) and JJ (Jimmy Bennett, Star Trek). To encourage family bonding time, Jim decides the family will join Stephanie on her business trip to South America. When their plane crashes into the Amazon River, they barely enjoy a moment to celebrate their survival before returning to the grind of everyday life. But they will soon realize that their lives have been forever changed. Each member of the family starts to show signs of new, unique and distinct super powers. For the Powells, embarking on a mission to understand their new abilities becomes the key to rebuilding their family life, as they learn what defines and unifies them. Despite the fact they can collectively lift a car, run at lightning speed, read your mind and calculate the dimensions of the Eiffel Tower — all before you say “superhero” – they are first and foremost an average family with everyday problems.

Stargate Universe, season premiere at 9pm on Syfy

– In 1994, mankind discovered a network of Stargates that took them to the farthest reaches of the universe and unlocked some of history’s greatest secrets. Since that time, they’ve carried us through travels to numerous planets and battles against relentless villains. They’ve brought to the surface the wonders of Atlantis and led us to conflict with the dreaded Wraith. Now, humanity is about to cross a new threshold with the activation of a new Stargate that links to incredible Ancient technology. A group of soldiers, scientists and civilians, fleeing an attack, find themselves stranded far from Earth on a mammoth Ancient ship known as the Destiny. They must live in the limbo of time and space, cling to the notion of hope, locked on an unknown course in search of home. Now the group’s fates lie at the mercy of the ship as they face the challenges of meeting the most basic needs of food, water and air. Through the danger and adventures, some will be revealed as heroes, some will be shown as villains…and some won’t make it out at all.

The Good Wife, season premiere at 10pm on CBS

– Last year’s critics’ pick for favorite new drama is back for a new season of tense legal and marital melodrama. Emmy Award winner Julianna Margulies stars as Alicia Florrick, a wife and mother who boldly assumes full responsibility for her family and re-enters the workforce after her husband’s very public sex and political corruption scandal lands him in jail. Pushing aside the betrayal and public humiliation caused by her husband, Peter, Alicia starts over by pursuing her original career as a defense attorney. As a junior associate at a prestigious Chicago law firm, she joins her longtime friend, former law school classmate and firm partner Will Gardner. Last season, Will and Alicia, who have been pining over each other since college, shared their first kiss followed by a shit ton of awkwardness. In the finale, we saw Alicia choosing to go stand with her hubby behind the podium over answering Will’s phone call, ouch. Well in the season premiere we find out that Will left a swoon-worthy message, which was promptly deleted by sketchy Eli. Also this season, Alicia’s gay brother visits and appears on YouTube saying that Peter is uncomfortable with gays, oh damn.

Wednesday, September 29th

Law & Order: Los Angeles, series premiere at 10pm on NBC

– In the wake of the original Law & Order’s retirement, they decided to relocate the show to Los Angeles and start all over again with another spin-off in the style of the CSI franchise with location-themed shows. The newest addition to the Law & Order brand, the crime procedural fuses classic ripped-from-the-headlines storytelling with the distinctive backdrop of LA – delving into the unique attitudes, cultures and crimes of the West Coast. As members of the Los Angeles Police Department’s elite Robbery Homicide Division, Detective Winters (Skeet Ulrich) is a straight-shooting ex-Marine with a clear-cut worldview as stubborn as he is, while TJ (Corey Stoll), who grew up the son of an Oscar-winning Polish cinematographer, knows too well the dark underside that is behind-the-scenes Hollywood. Deputy District Attorney Morales (Alfred Molina) is a sarcastic realist who believes moral righteousness is great in theory, but ineffective in a street fight. Though he knows how to manipulate both his public image and the behind-the-scenes politics, he’s still a killer in the courtroom who lives to see justice served.

Friday, October 1st

The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret, series premiere at 10pm on IFC

– Created, written by, and starring Arrested Development’s David Cross, the freshman comedy series follows the awkward misadventures of an American office temp and convenient liar named Todd Margaret. Margaret bluffs his way into a senior sales position heading up the London office for the new energy drink Thunder Muscle. Cross’ out-of-control farce reaches epic proportions when his character’s gaffes and misfortunes wreak havoc on the city of London. His antics are often fueled by Dave, (Blake Harrison), his mysteriously devious and sometimes useless assistant.  Complicating matters is Todd’s misplaced attempts to win the affection of Alice (Sharon Horgan), his uninterested UK love interest. The series also features fellow Arrested Development alum Will Arnett as Todd’s hard-ass, foul-mouthed boss. Amber Tamblyn also guest stars as Todd’s American “girlfriend.”