Sunday, March 9th
Once Upon A Time, midseason premiere at 8pm on ABC
Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey, series premiere at 9pm on FOX
– From the irreverent Seth McFarlane comes … a brainy mind-expanding exploration of the universe?! Believe it. Of course, let’s not give the Family Guy guy too much credit: its a 21st-century reboot of astronomer Carl Sagan’s iconic 1980 science television series Cosmos, albeit embellished with lavish production values and hosted by the formidable Neil deGrasse Tyson. The premiere is overview: Big Bang theory, the organization of the universe, historical understanding of creation. The emphasis on how Christians persecuted early rebels of reason feels like subversive score-settling. Tyson‘s sincere share about Sagan’s personal impact sets a better tone. Cosmos captures the imagination anew by celebrating imagination itself as an essential tool to a deeper, more truthful understanding of life.
Chopped Tournament of Stars, season premiere at 9pm on Food
– In an all-new five-part Chopped competition, athletes, RvG alums, comedians and actors will compete for a chance to win a $50,000 grand prize for charity. Over four themed episodes, celebrities will face the dreaded mystery basket ingredients and cook in three rounds — appetizer, entree and dessert. One celebrity from each of the four episodes will advance to the finale where one lucky competitor will walk away with the grand prize and bragging rights as the Chopped Tournament of Stars champion.
Long Island Medium, season premiere at 9pm on TLC
– Season 5 appears to deliver everything viewers love and come to expect from Theresa Caputo aka the Long Island Medium. Caputo’s clients run the full gamut of emotions in reaction to her surprisingly accurate, sometimes impromptu readings. In between all that, Caputo and her husband have to deal with empty nest syndrome as the kids move on to new chapters in their lives, which kicks off with a road trip special in San Francisco, where Theresa meets a man whose partner died of HIV. He keeps the memory of his late boyfriend alive in several ways, such as participating in the annual AIDS/LifeCycle bike ride. But, he has had a hard time moving on to a new romantic relationship. Theresa tells him that his partner’s spirit encourages him to move on to a new relationship — even sending her thoughts of online dating sites that he can join.
The Good Wife, midseason premiere at 9pm on CBS
Resurrection, series premiere at 9pm on ABC
– The people of Arcadia, Missouri are forever changed when their deceased loved ones suddenly start to return. At the start of this fantasy drama, an 8-year-old American boy wakes up alone in a rice paddy in a rural Chinese province with no idea how he got there. Details start to emerge when the boy, who calls himself Jacob, recalls that his hometown is Arcadia, and an Immigration agent, J. Martin Bellamy, takes him there. The home he claims as his own is occupied by an elderly couple, Henry and Lucille Langston, who lost their son, Jacob, more than 30 years ago. While they look different, young Jacob recognizes them as his parents. Those closest to the family try to unravel this impossible mystery — but this boy who claims to be the deceased Jacob knows secrets about his own death that no one else knows. If less spookily atmospheric than the Sundance Channel’s not dis-similar Returned, Resurrection handsomely frames its ”What the Hell?” premise.
Revenge, midseason premiere at 10pm on ABC
The Mentalist, midseason premiere at 10pm on CBS
Lindsay, series premiere at 10pm on OWN
– The highly anticipated OWN docu-series Lindsay follows movie star and media sensation Lindsay Lohan on her journey through recovery following a very public period of crisis. Lindsay is one of the most talented young actresses of her generation, boasting an impressive list of credits, including “The Parent Trap” and “Mean Girls”. Having had her career and personal life sidelined by her public struggles, Lindsay is strikingly candid about her life and is more determined than ever to get back on her feet. In this honest, no-holds-barred account, viewers will see an intimate, unflinching look into the life of one of the world’s most sought-after celebrities. Cameras follow Lindsay as she returns to New York, reunites with friends and family, and attempts to build a new life. As she works to stay on track amid the demands (and pitfalls) of fame, she opens up as never before, discussing everything from her emotional recovery process to her exhausting run-ins with the paparazzi.
My Five Wives, series premiere at 10pm on TLC
– My Five Wives features Brady Williams, his five wives, and their combined 24 children, who all live together on their large family property outside Salt Lake City, Utah. Following as he balances the needs, hopes, frustrations, and fears of each wife along with his own, the special offers a candid and open look at this controversial lifestyle, and goes behind closed doors to share the intimate details and complicated decisions they have to make as a larger than average family. When My Five Wives returns, the family is constantly on the go. On top of it all, adoption is up for discussion with one wife, and another might be pregnant. New education opportunities, busy careers, and growing kids exploring their identities and perspectives on marriage prove that this family is anything but static!
Online Dating Rituals of the American Male, series premiere at 10pm on Bravo
– Bravo unmasks the world of the booming online dating culture from the male perspective on the new docu-series, Online Dating Rituals of the American Male. Each week, the show follows two men as they hunt for their ideal partner (or fling!). Viewers will get an inside look at the male psyche from the beginning stages of trolling and communicating online to landing a date with a potential match. The series features a variety of men from the typical “romantic” searching for his one true love to the guy whose goal is strictly getting lucky. From earnest romance to cringe-worthy moments, viewers will get a taste of the trials and tribulations that come along with dating in the digital age.
Monday, March 10th
Believe, series premiere at 9pm on NBC
– Directed by “Gravity” helmer Alfonso Cuarón (who also co-created the show), the supernatural show’s pilot centers on a 10-year-old girl with mysterious powers she has trouble controlling. Levitation, telekinesis, the ability to control nature, see the future… since she was born, Bo (Johnny Sequoyah) has had gifts she could neither fully understand nor control. But now that she is 10 years old, her powers have become stronger and the threat from malevolent forces that would use her abilities to control the world has grown more dangerous. With her life and future in jeopardy, Bo’s protector, Milton Winter (Delroy Lindo, “The Chicago Code”), turns to an unlikely source to keep her safe – Tate (Jake McLaughlin, “Crash”), a wrongfully imprisoned death row inmate who’s lost his will. Tate and Bo begin an extraordinary journey, one in which trust must be earned. On the run and traveling from city to city, every place they stop and everyone they meet will be changed forever. But they’ll have to keep going to stay one step ahead of the sinister forces after Bo’s power… because it will take a miracle to keep them safe forever. If it’s not already obvious: Yes, this is a J.J. Abrams production.
Tuesday, March 11th
Chrisley Knows Best, series premiere at 10pm on USA
– Welcome to Todd Chrisley’s House of Quips, a reality show where everyone speaks like a bitchy Southern-fried caricature. The patriarch of the Chrisley family, Todd is a self-made millionaire and successful entrepreneur. Born in Georgia and raised in Westminster, SC – Todd and his wife of nearly 18 years, Julie, raise their five children in the suburbs of Atlanta. Todd Chrisley isn’t your typical father. Brash and outspoken with a razor sharp southern wit and remarkable ability to dish insults, he keeps the family in line through his tough and at times brutally honest form of parenting. Todd runs his family just like his business – with an iron fist – and micromanages every move and expenditure made by each member of the Chrisley clan. A “patriarch of perfection,” Todd believes that he has all the answers. As Todd often jokes to his children, he’s “already been there, done that, and got the tee-shirt.”
Friday, March 14th
Vice, season premiere at 11pm on HBO
– Piers Morgan is stepping down from his CNN chair, Alec Baldwin has left MSNBC (among other things), and Woody Allen’s ”son” is a trusted news source. What happened to TV journalism? A lot, but the second season of Vice‘s news program tries to reverse the trend with more boots-on-the-ground reporting and, at least in the premiere, fewer stunts. (Remember when they sent Dennis Rodman to North Korea?) This edition has Shane Smith exploring the rampant corruption in Afghanistan, where it seems American dollars are helping make the Taliban stronger. Yes, you read that right. The Vice guys may be on the brash side, but perhaps more journos should take note.