Sunday, August 7th

Teen Choice Awards 2011, awards show from 8 to 10pm on FOX

– The Big Bang Theory’s Kaley Cuoco is set to host the awards show catering to the vampire-crazed teenagers who have a weird obsession with Twilight, thus explaining why it’s nominated 12 times this year, leading the pack of nominees in a tie with The Vampire Diaries. In keeping with the times and what’s hip with the youngn’s nowadays, they have added a new category called “Choice Vampire” because apparently there aren’t enough categories Twilight is nominated for…In other non-vampire news, one of my favorite bands OneRepublic is performing, as is Justin Bieber’s recent ex Selena Gomez and her band The Scene.

Hillbilly Handfishin’, series premiere at 10pm on Animal Planet

– In this 12-part series, thrill-thirsty city slickers head to Oklahoma to submerge themselves in murky waters to catch catfish with their bare hands and feet. It’s a trip of a lifetime for fish-out-of-water, adventure-seeking city slickers who want nothing more than to surprise themselves – and maybe gross themselves out – by doing things they’d never thought they’d do. Led by Oklahoma hand-fishermen and self-proclaimed hillbillies Skipper Bivins and Trent Jackson, city folk get a taste of the redneck lifestyle by going through the paces of noodling catfish with no fishing rods and no hooks. The only lures are fingers and toes – which, by the way, can be just as attractive to the snakes, beavers, muskrats and snapping turtles that take over abandoned catfish holes as homes of their own. The experience might be uncomfortable, completely foreign and downright terrifying, but it promises to alter the lives and positively affect each newly crowned noodler long after the last morsel of deep-fried fish is gone.

Monday, August 8th

Bachelor Pad, season premiere from 8 to 10pm on ABC

– Former Bachelor Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi reunite for the first time since their primetime showdown, on season 2 of ABC’s The Bachelor spin-off that’s all about fun, money, and hooking up. Why they would ever agree to be in the same room, much less live in the same house, after that televised blow-up is beyond me but kudos to the producers who made it happen, because it surely will make for good television. Eighteen former participants from The Bachelor and The Bachelorette come together under one roof, competing for half a million dollars and a second chance at love (this second chance at love is really bullshit, at this point they just wanna get the money and peace out). The infamous wrestler from Ali’s season, Justin “Rated R” Rego, Gia Allemand, who’s fresh from a breakup with Wes, and Kasey Kahl, who once professed his love for former Bachelorette Ali by getting a tattoo on his wrist, are just some of the franchise’s best who’ll be joining Jake and Vienna. With so many elements at play to raise the stakes—Vienna and Kasey are currently dating, there is recent bad blood between Gia and Vienna, a friendship has developed between Jake and Gia, and so much more—Season 2 is set to bring fireworks, drama, romance and endless possibilities. This season also features Crazy Michelle from Brad’s season who literally had me pulling teeth every second she was on the screen.

Tia & Tamera, series premiere at 9pm on Style

– Sister, Sister stars Tia Mowry and Tamera Mowry are teaming up once again for a new reality show, Tia & Tamera. The series follows the 32-year-olds as Tia goes through her first pregnancy with her husband actor Cory Hardrict and Tamera plans her wedding to FOX News correspondent Adam Housely, who she got engaged to in January. Tia executive produces the Style series along with her manager, Adam Griffin, in addition to starring in BET’s hit comedy The Game.

Sugar High, series premiere at 10:30pm on Food Network

– Ace of Cakes’ Duff Goldman takes a cross-country trek to capture the sweet secrets and tasty techniques that keep the cookies from crumbling in the top bakeries around the nation. Duff visits a bevy of sweet spots ranging from diners and curbside snow-cone machines to food carts and boutique bakeries, getting a full view of what it takes to sweeten up any soiree. Duff highlights decadent desserts that are anything but ordinary, from chilled bread pudding on the Venice boardwalk in California and tableside s’mores in Dallas to Sno Ballz from the first-ever shaved-ice machine in New Orleans and a slice of apple strudel in Chicago. Duff also satisfies his sweet tooth with lemon ginger mousse at a hip Asian diner in Boston and traditional rice pudding at a dessert boutique in Philadelphia. This sugary search leaves mouths watering as Duff discovers the country’s best baked goods.

Tuesday, August 9th

Gordon Ramsay’s F Word, season premiere from 9 to 11pm on BBC America

– TV star chef Gordon Ramsay is back with the fifth season of The F Word, and this time the search is on for F Word’s Best Local Restaurant. Out of 10,000 nominations, eighteen fantastic independent restaurants have been selected by the F Word team—chef Gordon Ramsay, journalist/foodie Janet Street-Porter and F Word maître d’, Jean Baptiste Requien. Each week, two restaurants in one of nine categories (Italian, Indian, French, Chinese, Thai, Spanish, The Americas, British and Rest of the World) battle it out in the F Word kitchen, determined to impress the F Word diners and move on to the next round. As always, it’s the diners who decide if the food’s up to scratch and whether or not they would pay for their meal.

Big Law: Deputy Butterbean, series premiere at 10pm on Investigation Discovery

– At 416 pounds, Eric Esch, known to the boxing world as “Butterbean,” hit the heavyweight scene in the 90’s like a lard-coated wrecking ball. After a successful stint in professional wrestling, he transformed himself into a fan favorite of Mixed Martial Arts fighting and his success has earned him a cult following. But now Butterbean is taking his hard earned, no-nonsense, tough guy reputation to the streets of his hometown: he’s been deputized by the Walker County Sheriff’s office, and he’s on a one-man mission to bring back a sense of community safety… no matter how many asses he has to kick. In this new docu-reality series, cameras follow “Bean” as he tries to fit in with the local police force, and his uniform. With hundreds of calls to the station each weekend, Bean is put to the test by experienced law enforcement officers on everything from domestic disputes and narcotics raids to crowd control and drunk driving patrol. At 400 pounds, this Deputy may be a little intimidating if he’s the one knocking on your front door, but Bean knows what it’s like to make mistakes in life, and his big heart is open to addicts and perpetrators who are trying to overcome their difficult circumstances and get their lives back on track.

Top Shot, season premiere at 10pm on History Channel

– With the most physically demanding challenges yet and more surprising twists than ever before, the History Channel reality competition series is back for a third season. This time, an all-new arsenal of history-inspired challenges awaits 16 fearless contestants as they vie for a $100,000 prize package and the right to claim the title of Top Shot. The 14 marksmen and two markswomen were carefully selected from thousands of applicants to participate in this season. The contestants include a national revolver champion, two homeland security agents, a former Navy SEAL, two cops, a nurse and several firearms instructors. Two of the competitors are self-taught. The shooters will have to display mastery of weapons from all eras of human history, from primitive rocks to sophisticated firearms. Contestants will employ some of the biggest munitions ever featured on the series, including the Gatling gun, the Hotchkiss mountain gun and the CornerShot. In addition, they must endure grueling physical tests to stay in the game. High-speed, high-definition cameras capture the skillful execution of each test in extreme slow motion.

Thursday, August 11th

Russian Dolls, series premiere at 10:30pm on Lifetime

– Don’t let the name fool you, this Lifetime series is essentially just The Real Housewives of Brighton Beach. With unprecedented access to one of the most interesting and mysterious communities in the U.S., Russian Dolls is an all-new reality series following the fast-paced comings and goings of eight larger-than-life men and women who live fully, love passionately, and work hard as only they can in Brooklyn’s historic Russian-American neighborhood, Brighton Beach. Cameras will provide a rare and entertaining look at Brighton Beach’s colorful multi-generational families whose dramas and dreams contend with their Russian heritage while living in this famous, alluring, vibrant and highly protective community. By going deep inside the daily life of this charismatic group of close-knit friends and family, we’ll see that they are anything but wooden dolls.

Friday, August 12th

Karaoke Battle USA, 2-hour series premiere at 9pm on ABC

– Now here’s a show I can get into, I LOVE karaoke and absolutely suck at it, but isn’t that what karaoke is all about?!?! Well apparently this show is about finding somebody who is actually good at singing karaoke, mad lame but I guess your ears wouldn’t wanna hear me sing on TV anyway. ABC’s new reality competition series set out to find the next superstar singer in the karaoke circuit. Karaoke Battle USA shines the spotlight on the best karaoke singers across the country in six one-hour episodes, hosted by former *NSYNC member Joey Fatone. Fatone and a judging panel that includes singer/songwriter and TV host Carnie Wilson (Bridesmaids), music journalist Joe Levy (Maxim, Rolling Stone) and 2009 National Karaoke Champion Brian Scott will travel to the regional competitions at House of Blues locales, semi-finals and finals, along with officials from the pre-eminent Karaoke World Championships USA organization, which crowns two U.S. champs each year. As part of the series, the best male and female performers at each regional competition will move on to the Los Angeles House of Blues, where they will square off for the titles of King and Queen of Karaoke.