THE BEST SHOW EVER started filming season 2 in South Beach with the original cast on Monday. JERSEY SHORE: Spring Break in Miami Edition has stirred up some controversy among us fans…how can it take place anywhere other than the Jersey Shore? There are no other Italians in Miami, that would have to be for the Cuban spin-off! Well my loyal (?) followers, the Jersey Shore is not warm this time of year and if you want your next dose of Jersey Shore sooner (summer) rather than later (winter), the cast clearly had to go someplace warmer so they could start filming now. And if the cast can go to any of the top spring-break destinations, the rowdy college kids with fake IDs whiling out “Girls Gone Wild”-style in South Beach is right up the guidos’ alley.

But really, the cast can go anywhere that has a tanning salon, a gym, bars, clubs with house music, a hot tub, drunk guys who think they’re tough trying to fight Ronnie, desperate girls willing to sleep with The Situation, grenades and grenade launchers, and a refrigerator that is stocked with pickles. They just have to get the guidos on a plane, pack the quacking duck, lock up Sammi’s hair extensions in a cage and put it in the cargo hold, get an extra seat on the plane for JWOWW’s double WW’s, pay for the unusual baggage size of Pauly D’s tanning bed, ship all the “I Love The Situation” booty shorts, play Scarface during the fight and the guidos are good to go. However, Jersey Shore will remain somewhat true to its roots as the original cast will conclude season 2 by returning to the infamous spot where it all began: Seaside Heights, as reported by TV Guide. Apparently, the guidos running amuck in Miami couldn’t find any other “juiced tanned guidos” to hook up with besides each other and their excessive guido fabulousness annoyed all the Cubans straight into haters-ville.

But in other Jersey Shore news, MTV and the casting agency posted an online casting call “to explore the possibility to adding new roommates to ‘carry on the legacy,’” according to TV Guide. Eight tanned hypersexual guidos in one house is already more drama (and of course more entertainment) than anybody thought humanly possible, now they are going to add some newcomers into the sacred guido household of drunken debauchery and inappropriate hookups? Uh oh, we got a situation!

The casting call posted on jerseyshorecasting.com does not veer whatsoever from the extremely low standard that we have come to expect and idolize from the now-celebrity cast of Jersey Shore.  The notice reads: “Killer shades, awesome hair, bandanas and bling can mean only one thing. So if you’re a tanned and toned fist pumper, and you love the shore, we want to hear from you! Do you dominate the gym, tear up the dance floor and rule the bedroom? Prove it! Doron Ofir Casting and MTV are seeking the proudest, loudest, and wildest to carry on the legacy. Be at least 21 and appear to be younger than 31. No haters allowed. Its summertime on the beach, baby! Ready to creep and beat up the beat?”

Now why would MTV want to cast new guidos and guidettes when they have a certified hit with an extreme “are they for real” cast?! This is what I think: the current Jersey Shore cast is clearly immensely talented in their hookup skills and priorities in life (GTL FOREVER!) but since their catapult to fame, certain key characters like Mike “The Situation,” Snooki, and DJ Pauly D have been reeling in the big bucks from appearances all over the country. MTV encountered guido drama negotiating the contracts for season 2 of the Jersey Shore because these most popular personalities were demanding a huge raise for MTV to continue exploiting them on national TV, and for good reason, they can no longer have normal lives as they have been typecast as utterly unemployable in all industries except reality TV (okay, Pauly D can make a living as a celebrity DJ who tons of girls with no self-respect want to sleep with). Finally, they all settled on $10,000 for each cast member per episode. But with the looming threat that the most popular Jersey Shore cast members were earning enough money elsewhere that they could leave the show made the producers realize that they couldn’t let their future rest solely in the hands of drunken guidos who were antsy to get their next paycheck to support their drunken shenanigans and tanning salon fees. By establishing a working model of the show that would be successful as long as they cast dynamic but expendable characters (like most reality shows with a new cast each season), the producers can keep the costs down and maintain control over their most successful and brilliant hit ever. After all, these can’t be the most tanned, loud-mouthed, sexed-up, alcoholic guidos in the Northeast…right? Well they are certainly the extreme and they have each secured a place in our heart for helping to boost our own self-esteem.

Also, lets not forget that there’s only so many hook-up options in the Jersey home without a roommate change-up. Nobody is willing to touch Snooki except for a really drunk Mike and only in the hot tub when her top is off. Vinnie seems to have too much dignity to do any of his female roommates and prefers the boss’s girl. Pauly D is still hitting on JWOWW, who is still surprisingly dating her tool of a “boyfriend.” Sammi and Ronnie are carrying on with their super-passionate dramatic jealous relationship whilst also dealing with The Situation trying to creep on Sammi and her hiding this from Ronnie. Personally, I want Sammi and Ronnie to stay together because I find their drunken fights hilarious, as well as Mike’s sketchiness in trying to pound Sammi! Angelina aka the self-proclaimed Kim Kardashian of Staten Island is a beyatch, a cockblock, and universally hated, so why is she back?! Anyway, the cast may have reached their limit with incestuous roommate hookup options and without hookups it’s not Jersey Shore.

In other Jersey Shore-related news, the production company behind Jersey Shore has decided, much to fans’ urgings, to take its runaway hit of the season and apply it to different ethnicities. Now this is where I start to get worried: the first Jersey Shore spin-off is centered on affluent Persian Americans in LA…WTF?!? The series, tentatively titled The Persian Version, is just all wrong. According to EW, the casting call states:

“Two thousand years ago the Persian Empire ruled the ancient world…but they didn’t have your soundtrack, your style, or your swagger! Today there’s a new Persian empire growing right here in L.A. and it’s ready to conquer the world all over again. It’s a bad-ass new dynasty where exotic beauty and wild style dominates the sexiest nightlife, exclusive venues and hottest beaches the modern world has to offer.
You’ve got the means, the money, and the motivation to cut through the velvet rope and rule the VIP! For you life is all about Gucci, Gabbana, Cavalli and Cristal. From BMWs and Bugatis, to Mercedes and Movado and money is no object.
You live a lifestyle most people only dream of. In your world, nothing is out of reach, and though you are surrounded by the jealous, the posers and the haters, one thing’s for sure…once you go Persian, there is no other version!
Time to show the world that being Persian-American is about living the true American dream…a lifestyle most people only wish they could. So if you are at least 21 years old, appear younger than thirty and are outrageous, outspoken and a proud Persian-American, then Doron Ofir Casting and 495 Productions, the team who brought you Jersey Shore, are looking for you!
Casting is already underway don’t miss your chance to join this A-list.
Do you reign over the most exclusive spots in the city?
Do you use your exotic appeal to get anything or anyone you desire?? Prove it!”

Whoever came up with this horrible idea does not understand that the genius of Jersey Shore is the fact that middle-class Italian-Americans are acting a fool, drinking excessively, fighting everyone, and getting arrested like white trash. Who needs another reality show about dumb rich people in Los Angeles, even if they are exotic, seriously? How different from The Hills can it be? Most real people don’t really enjoy watching spoiled rich kids drop big bucks on ridiculous things they don’t need—they are not relatable! I would have loved to see a Puerto Rican or Irish spin-off but The Persian Version just ruins the spirit that Jersey Shore is all about.

What do you think of The Persian Version? Excited for the new season of Jersey Shore? Can the show survive outside of Jersey? Would you watch Jersey Shore sans the original cast?

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